Tag Archives: movies

Happiness on The Edge of the Seat

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December 31, 2003 – With just a few hours to go till the New Year, my 6 month pregnant wife and I have escaped the frigid Northeast temperatures and are in the tiny Metro Twin theatre on 99th Street and Broadway in Manhattan. The cramped seats require anyone over 5’2” and 120 pounds to curl into his/her seat like the last clown to get into the Volkswagen.

My wife — who was definitely showing at that point and peeing more often than a grandparent who has an extra cup of coffee  before bed — was clearly above the comfortable height and weight level.  She was actually on the edge of her seat throughout the movie. But not because of her size. She could not get enough of the movie – The Two Towers, part two of The Lord of the Rings saga.  (She still brings up her herculean fete, “I stayed on the edge of my seat and didn’t pee once!!!”, when someone mentions LOTR) Out of concern for her (and the baby), I repeatedly gently tapped her to push her back into her seat. Nothing doing.  While I also loved the movie, my favorite part was seeing how much she enjoyed the movie.

LOTR—

This past Sunday my family and I went to the movies. A couple of weeks ago we watched Despicable Me. We all enjoyed it and knew right away that the sequel would be in our summer plans.

metwoWe found our seats in a half full theatre just before the movie began. Each of the boys took out their snack packs and settled in ready to be laugh.

Oh my G-d, did they laugh! BR, the fidgety type, was glued to his seat. He was so enthralled by the movie that he didn’t complain when I started dipping into his popcorn and drinking some of his soda.

SJ, on the other hand, could not sit still. Every time the Minions (for those who have not seen either of the movies but saw one of the billion commercials, the Minions are the little yellow guys) came on the screen, he was on the edge of his seat. His whole body shook as he cackled. He could not take his eyes off of the Minions.

I enjoyed the movie. It was funny and sweet plus those little yellow Minions guys really are amusing. However, the greatest part of the movie was watching my childrens’ reactions. During chunks of the movie, I found myself watching the boys. After all, what’s better than seeing your children happy?

Sooner than I realize, my children will grow up, and it will take much more to make them happy. When they do grow up, I hope there will be moments when I can see them look as happy as they did watching Despicable Me 2.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I have a hunch what the theme of SJ’s 7th birthday party will be – Minions.

What about you – when is the last time you saw your children very happy?

Why This Middle Aged Man Loves Summer Camp

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BR & SJ headed off to camp. Yes, I gave them a ride.

BR & SJ headed off to camp.
Yes, I gave them a ride.

I love Summer Camp. I am in my early 40’s, and I love Summer Camp. It is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

Summer Camp is:

boys out of the house early.

boys staying out of the house for hours at a time.

boys coming home tired.

boys having no homework.

Yes, Summer Camp is awesome!

In fact, Summer Camp is my ticket to heaven on Earth. I get to hang out on a deserted island. Deserted of people that is. I am home alone (by the way, I recently watched those movies with my boys, and we loved them).

Movie Poster courtesy of Google.

Movie Poster courtesy of Google.

For the record, I do love my family and enjoy spending time with them. Well most of the time I love them, but that’s another story. Anyway, I am a subscriber to absence makes the heart grow fonder, distance is a good thing. There is truth in those sayings. You may be thinking what does Mrs. MMK think about this? She is not offended at all. She is the same way – loves to have some space.

Anyway, I never get the house to myself. In fact, if you added up all the time I was home alone from September till June, it would come out to 92 minutes and 23 seconds. Or something like that.

So, what do I do when I am home alone? Whatever I want! Well, I’m not too crazy these days, and I have a plethora of goals to accomplish this summer. Still, I find time to do what I want. Want to hear what I did during my alone time? Hold tight cause here I go:

1.       I went to the bathroom and left the door open. My wife hates when I do this.  Sometimes, I actually leave the door open when she is home figuring that she won’t be coming up the stairs anyway. I can’t tell you how many times I had to quickly shuffle over and shut the door so my wife does not see me committing this cardinal offense.

2.       I watched a full episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Yeah, I know the show has been off the air for eight years already. But I like it and besides, I never saw this episode. It’s called Blabbermouths and the characters gossip about each other. It was entertaining and educational. I laughed loudly and held the remote and no one cared.

3.       I ate lunch – slowly and care free. I did not think about getting drinks for anyone (I am referring to the children – no alcohol intended). I was unconcerned about what I ate, when I ate, and where I ate. I may not have even have used a plate. I don’t recall. And it doesn’t matter. Luxurious.

Okay, so it’s not quite Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear in an empty house. But there is plenty of Summer Camp left. And I am feeling pretty crazy.

Movie photo courtesy of Google.

Movie photo courtesy of Google.

You must love being home alone too – right? What crazy things do you do when you are home alone?

All Males Here

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The other night my wife and I watched the movie This is 40. It’s a decent move that had some funny lines and a few parts that we could relate to.  The movie focuses on a family of four made up of a husband, wife and two daughters.

Movie poster image courtesy of Google

Movie poster image courtesy of Google

During one scene, Pete (husband/father) is feeling left out and frustrated as his wife and daughters are dancing along to some pop music which he despises. So, Pete plays his music and starts dancing to it. The females of the family are clearly uninterested and want it off.  Pete says, “Sometimes, I wish just one of you had a dick.”

I turned to my wife and asked her about our male dominant family, “Do you ever wish there was another vagina in our family?” She answered without hesitation, “Yup.”

I laughed.

—

“What is that noise? Are you trying to poop back there?”

SJ shook his head, “No. Can you open this?”  He handed me a tupperware cup full of juice. Damn muscle tone issues.

“Oh, that’s better. It really did sound like you were trying to make a poop. Didn’t it?” BR and I were laughing.

SJ started kicking my seat. He thought I was making fun of him. I wasn’t.  “I’m just joking. Relax!”

“Hey Daddy, remember that Lightning McQueen game?”  BR said. He was referring to a handheld game that my wife got the boys a while back to play in the car. Very educational – you can learn about geography and national landmarks. While playing the game recently, BR & I noticed another feature that tops its educational value. When Lightning McQueen crashes, it sounds like he is farting.

Lightning McQueen photo courtesy of Google.

Lightning McQueen photo courtesy of Google.

“Of course I remember.”

“Remember how it sounds like Lightning is farting? It’s funny, right?”

“Uh huh.  Hey, I have an idea. Turn the game on so that it will make the farting noises. SJ, when you see me wave my hand, you make that noise you were making before.”

The next minute our orchestra was in perfect pitch. Lawrence Welk has nothing on me. The boys and I were cackling away.

“Hey, do you guys think mommy would find this funny?” I asked. “Nah. Women and girls don’t really find this sort of stuff funny.”

BR and SJ were not interested in a conversation about the differences between men and women. All they could say was, “Do it again, do it again!”

Sorry, honey.

 

The Need for Speed

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Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, go, go.

The last couple of Sundays I have been out of my house just after 7. I’d love to tell you a great story about an adventure. Maybe, I met friends and we went fishing and talked about life and stuff. Well, besides the fact that this sounds like a sappy beer commercial, and I don’t like fishing, it’s not true. I could tell you that I had to be out early because I am training for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. That would be a lie too: the only way I will get there is if I buy a ticket.

I WONT BE THERE

I WONT BE THERE

No, the reason for my early ventures into the day was to partake in that chore I have mentioned in the past: food shopping (https://larrydbernstein.com/food-shopping-shopping-shopping/ & https://larrydbernstein.com/contribution-to-greatness/). As you can imagine, I had the roads nearly to myself on Sunday morning. Part of my trip (about 2 miles) to the supermarket includes a highway where the speed limit is 50. How could anyone expect me to go at that speed? I wanted to turn it up. You know what I mean. You have your favorite driving song on – “Running Down a Dream” by Tom Petty or “Radar Love” by Golden Earring or “Life is a Highway” by Tom Cochrane (or nearly anything by Bruce if you are like me) – and an empty road. Now, I ask you again, could I really go just 50 mph? No way!

When I was 23, I accompanied my aunt down to Charlotte, North Carolina. My aunt, who was in her 50s at the time, was going to Charlotte to attending a three-day racecar camp. Anyway, to quote Tom Cruise or Maverick in Top Gun, you could say my aunt felt, “the need, the need for speed.” As part of the camp, she got to drive around the track in a racecar at unbelievably high speeds. After the two days of training, she did one lap and got scared. It was too much speed.

Courtesy of Google.com

Courtesy of Google.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O1ZhHts8MI

Back to my shopping trip: When I got to Shop Rite – in record time, mind you – it came to my mind just how much of a rush I am always in. I am perpetually in “the need, the need for speed” mode.  My odometer is always burning high whether I am zooming down an empty road, briskly walking up the block, or pushing my boys to “Hurry up! Let’s go!”  I wondered, “Why am I always rushing?”

Not everything is an open road. Sometimes, I need to stop and smell the proverbial roses. The food will get to the shelf, the boys will get to school, but the moments I zip by will surely be gone.