Why You Still Can’t Get Parenting Right.

Still Trying to Get the Parenting Thing RightHow many times have you heard practice makes perfect?

About a gazillion – right.

And I find it be true for the most part. Well, I might not get to perfect, but I get way, way better.

But then, there’s parenting.

Next week BR will be 14. Whoa – had a stop there for a moment. That still surprises me.

Anyway, that means I will have been a parent for 122,640 hours. Way more than the 10,000 hour rule.

By the way, this doesn’t even count the hours with SJ who will be 11.5 in a couple of weeks. Do we get double time? Just wondering.

So, the 10,000 hour rule. You know it – right? Takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to become great at some high level task. While this is an average and is task dependent, the point is it takes a long time to get to be great at something.

Reasonable.

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And It was the Summer Of…

The Summer of... The Flash: SJ riding a bike.Seasons and times are remembered by events. The summer I learned to drive. The winter I started playing basketball. Junior year when I had my first girlfriend. With Labor Day in the mirror, it’s time to think what happening will mark the summer of 2015.

A few years ago, I tried to teach BR how to ride a bike. It was a struggle from the beginning. He was uninterested. His constant refrain of, “Why do I need to do this” as I led him around the block was exasperating. BR was on the verge of riding, but he was never willing to fall. His fear held him back. While riding a bike is not a required skill for a happy childhood, I felt, somehow, that I failed him. Maybe I should have pushed harder. Maybe, I should have been more delicate. Maybe I should have been more understanding.  Whatever the issue, the moment passed. It’s been two years since I even tried to get BR on a bike.

SJ loves his scooter. He also loves his bike. He didn’t mind that it had training wheels. Ms. MMK and I tried telling him he was getting too old and big and that it was time to take the training wheels off.

SJ was reluctant. He doesn’t like change. Continue reading

Be True To Your Word

True to your wordI take myself seriously. Maybe, too seriously sometimes. If you’ve hung around here awhile, you may have come to the same conclusion.

Anyway, when I say I give you my word, I make every effort to follow through. If somehow I don’t manage to do it… well, guilt and questioning will surely follow.

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Twice a week, a tutor comes to the house to work with my children on Judaic studies. The tutor is very nice, and the boys like her. SJ meets with her first every session, and BR goes second.

The other day the boys and I were driving home from school. The subject of SJ going first for tutoring came up. I asked BR to go first for once.

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Whit Honea: Always a Writer

White Honea: Writer

Whit Honea: A Writer to Admire.

“Hey Dad, what are you doing?”

“I’m emailing myself.”

“Again?”

Whit Honea used to walk around with scraps of paper in his pocket. Today, in the technical age, he is more likely to email himself thoughts, feelings on how a moment impacts him, book ideas, story lines, or potential blog posts that used to appear on those scraps of paper.

Yes, Whit Honea is a writer.  In fact, he says he has always been a writer. Whit, who graduated from the University of Arizona with a degree in Creative Writing, says “writing is what I do for a living and for a hobby.” He adds “even when I’m not writing, I’m writing. I can be in the middle of watering the lawn and something will come to me and I have to go in and write what I was thinking.”

Over the course of his career, Whit has written for many publications and websites. Here is just a partial list: Babble, Fandango, Huffington Post, The Disney Blog, and Today Parents. Another place where you can read his work is on Honea Express, his Award-winning blog which focuses on parenting, entertainment, and humor.

I’ve been fortunate to ‘meet’ Whit through the dad bloggers Facebook group we both belong to. Whit has been a dad blogger for years.  “Everything I write, I write through the lens of a parent.  I can’t separate myself from being a dad. Yet Whit is “not comfortable with the term” as he does not like labeling people. He does however appreciate the community.

Occasionally, Whit and I email or speak. As I go through my current transition to a freelance writer, I find these conversations invaluable. Having someone with whom I can speak that is a real live writer and whose work I admire serves as inspiration.

Don’t tell Whit what I just said. You see he finds it hard to receive compliments about his writing particularly when the work is more personal. Yet, the father of two is very happy to see people succeed that he cares for and respects.

His most personal work is his first book, The Parents’ Phrasebook which was published by Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc. “Writing the book was a relief because I had wanted to do it for so long. I thought I needed it to validate myself as a writer, and it feels good to have something that is tangible and point to and say I did that,”  said Whit.

However, just because he has a book about parenting, don’t call him a parenting expert – he says he’s not. Whit says he wanted to write a practical book that is based on experience, and trial and error.  “The book offers what NOT to do, because I have really been in those situations!” The goal of the book is to help parents communicate with their kids.

By the way, Whit is one of those people who has a million jobs and yet always seems to find time. One of his jobs is a Senior Account Executive for XY Media Group. They work with various brands trying to reach the dad market. XY Media Group encourages positive portrayals of fatherhood in media, marketing, and research efforts. He recently co-founded, along with Carter Gaddis, an organization entitled Dads 4 Change. The site highlights charitable action and raises awareness of causes and social good.

Whit offered me some advice regarding writing. “Some people say mean things but don’t let the negative feedback take a toll on your life.” He added for too long took he took the negative feedback seriously. “Put time and energy into things that matter,” added Whit.

By the way, Whit still does occasionally write those ideas he has on paper, or on the back of junk mail, or on form sent home from his children’s school. Just don’t call those pieces of paper scrap because someday he is going to turn those words into gold.