Tony Robbins is in My House

Liam Neeson in Star Wars Episode I

Liam Neeson in Star Wars Episode I

“Your focus becomes your reality,” or so says Liam Neeson’s Jedi to a young Darth Vader in Star Wars Episode 1.

The dialogue noted above is related to the power of positive thinking. This term — which originated as the title of Norman Vincent Peale’s controversial 1952 book — is now the slogan for the self-help movement.

Book cover courtesy of Google.com

Book cover courtesy of Google.com

But does it? Does glass-half-full, positive thinking, really matter?

These sort of questions have come to mind as BR seems to have morphed into the 9-year-old version of Tony Robbins.

In the last week or so BR is regularly giving me high fives for effort, calling out such encouragements as “nice try” or “nice one.” He has offered comfort by telling me, “at least you tried.” Unfortunately, there have been some flashes of negativity and a couple of minor meltdowns as well, but I bet even Robbins, Dale Carnegie, and Ekhart Tolle get frustrated once in a while.

My wife and I were discussing our positive little guru the other night. One question arose. What has inspired this?

Now don’t get me (or my wife) wrong. It’s nice to see BR so positive though watching him call out encouragement to the baseball players on the Wii is amusing.

Anyway, we could not answer what has gotten into BR. He did start a social skills camp the other day. The camp’s philosophy is based on the comic book You are a Social Detective by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and illustrated by Kelly Knopp. The purpose of the book/camp is to help children become good social detectives by using their “eyes, ears, and brains to figure out what others are planning to do next or are presently doing and what they mean by their words and deeds.” (http://www.socialthinking.com/books-products/mental-health) My wife swears these books have helped BR to become more aware socially. I think the camp has had an effect but this ‘everybody-is-a-winner-type attitude’ began before the camp.

But does being positive really matter? Well, Michael F. Schier certainly thinks so. Schier is the co-author of a seminal 1985 study, “Optimism, Coping, and Health: Assessment and Implications of Generalized Outcome Expectancies” in Health Psychology. In an interview from April 20th, 2012 that appeared in The Atlantic, Schier said, “I think it’s now safe to say that optimism is clearly associated with better psychological health, as seen through lower levels of depressed mood, anxiety, and general distress, when facing difficult life circumstances, including situations involving recovery from illness and disease.”

Martin Seligman who wrote a book in 1990 entitled Learned Optimism concurs that there are many benefits to having an optimistic outlook. Seligman says that, “Optimists are higher achievers and have better overall health.” On the other hand, “pessimists are more likely to give up in the face of adversity or to suffer from depression.” Seligman, similarly as Schier, believe that optimists have better coping strategies and are more easily able to overcome setbacks. Most importantly, Seligman believes pessimists can learn to be optimists.

Chart is courtesy of Google.com

Chart is courtesy of Google.com

It seems clear there are benefits to having a positive attitude. After all, don’t we all prefer to be around happy people? So while I am uncertain over the exact reason and benefit of BR’s positive attitude, I do enjoy the results. Great job, BR!

Sources:

http://www.bodymindspiritonline.com/bodymindspirit/edition2/page10.html

http://www.shmoop.com/1950s/society.html

http://www9.georgetown.edu/faculty/yyt/bolts&nuts/Power%20of%20Positive%20Thinking.pdf

http://www.livescience.com/2814-power-positive-thinking-truth-myth.html

www.socialthinking.com

 

Why This Middle Aged Man Loves Summer Camp

 

BR & SJ headed off to camp. Yes, I gave them a ride.

BR & SJ headed off to camp.
Yes, I gave them a ride.

I love Summer Camp. I am in my early 40’s, and I love Summer Camp. It is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

Summer Camp is:

boys out of the house early.

boys staying out of the house for hours at a time.

boys coming home tired.

boys having no homework.

Yes, Summer Camp is awesome!

In fact, Summer Camp is my ticket to heaven on Earth. I get to hang out on a deserted island. Deserted of people that is. I am home alone (by the way, I recently watched those movies with my boys, and we loved them).

Movie Poster courtesy of Google.

Movie Poster courtesy of Google.

For the record, I do love my family and enjoy spending time with them. Well most of the time I love them, but that’s another story. Anyway, I am a subscriber to absence makes the heart grow fonder, distance is a good thing. There is truth in those sayings. You may be thinking what does Mrs. MMK think about this? She is not offended at all. She is the same way – loves to have some space.

Anyway, I never get the house to myself. In fact, if you added up all the time I was home alone from September till June, it would come out to 92 minutes and 23 seconds. Or something like that.

So, what do I do when I am home alone? Whatever I want! Well, I’m not too crazy these days, and I have a plethora of goals to accomplish this summer. Still, I find time to do what I want. Want to hear what I did during my alone time? Hold tight cause here I go:

1.       I went to the bathroom and left the door open. My wife hates when I do this.  Sometimes, I actually leave the door open when she is home figuring that she won’t be coming up the stairs anyway. I can’t tell you how many times I had to quickly shuffle over and shut the door so my wife does not see me committing this cardinal offense.

2.       I watched a full episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Yeah, I know the show has been off the air for eight years already. But I like it and besides, I never saw this episode. It’s called Blabbermouths and the characters gossip about each other. It was entertaining and educational. I laughed loudly and held the remote and no one cared.

3.       I ate lunch – slowly and care free. I did not think about getting drinks for anyone (I am referring to the children – no alcohol intended). I was unconcerned about what I ate, when I ate, and where I ate. I may not have even have used a plate. I don’t recall. And it doesn’t matter. Luxurious.

Okay, so it’s not quite Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear in an empty house. But there is plenty of Summer Camp left. And I am feeling pretty crazy.

Movie photo courtesy of Google.

Movie photo courtesy of Google.

You must love being home alone too – right? What crazy things do you do when you are home alone?

Not Even the Godfather

“Look how they massacred my boy,” The Godfather, Don Corleone cries. In this famous scene from one of the great movies (and book, of course) of all time, The Godfather is distraught because he could not save Sonny, his oldest son. This powerful man, who controlled politicians and policemen, weeps with the knowledge that his son’s fate was beyond his control.

It’s summer and therefore, school’s out. There is no homework, teacher conferences, behavioral charts, and bagged lunches. It’s camp time which means trips, games, and swimming. Summer camp is stress free – well, it’s supposed to be.

Deciding where to send SJ to camp was a pretty simple decision for my wife and I. Last year, he attended the town camp and LOVED it. He was smiling and talking about it all the time and was wishing for camp on Sunday. He wore the camp tee-shirt throughout the year, and in February, SJ began asking how much longer till camp? On top of his sheer delight, the camp was very reasonable. Kid loved the camp, and it was reasonable – we were set. Or so we thought.

When camp began this year, SJ was out of his head with excitement, and his joy was our joy. On the way to his third day of camp, SJ and I were taking.

“Who do you play with at camp?”

“I play by myself.”

“Really, how come?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you sad about that? Don’t you want to play with the other kids? Wouldn’t that be more fun?”

“Silly Daddy. It’s okay to play yourself. You can still have fun.”

While I found the situation upsetting, SJ was clearly okay with it.

As the first week came to an end, SJ was no longer okay with his new situation. His excitement for camp was clearly lessened. As I dropped him off, his counselor remarked, “Why aren’t you smiling today?

He is one of the youngest kids at the camp. Last year, that did not matter because he happily played with two kids who were in his age range. This year was different. One of his friends from last year returned, but he is playing with a kid who is two years older than SJ. The older boy is not interested in playing with SJ. In fact, he is ignoring him.

SJ is the most gregarious (once he gets over his initial shyness) person in our family and very much enjoys playing with other kids. He thrives in the company of others – always smiling and trying to make others smile. However, he is on the immature side and tends to do better with kids that are younger. SJ sometimes misreads social situations. In addition, his low muscle tone causes him to shy away when horseplay gets intense.

My wife has spoken to SJ about the social challenges he is facing at camp. She has encouraged him to play with those who want to play with him. We have both spoken to the counselor. My wife has knocked her head against the wall trying to think of how to make the situation better. In other words, she has been a mom.

Maybe, this situation can’t be made better. Maybe SJ will have to deal with it and find other kids to play with.

Regardless of what my wife and I do, SJ (and BR) will go through situations in life where friendships change and no longer work. They will face rejection. Their situations will upset us, their parents, but we will just have to do our best to support our children and give them the strength to deal with whatever comes along. Even the powerful Don Corleone couldn’t make it all good for his children.