Attention: VIAGRA You Are Not Needed Here

Older Man who has clearly used Viagra

Courtesy of

My website is on Viagra. Well, to be more clear, Viagra is on my website.

Yes, that Viagra. The one whose commercials show men of a certain age doing manly things like riding a motorcycle, building a house, or working on a classic car.   A woman will pop onto the scene. They will look into each others eyes, dance a little, smile, take each other’s hand, and then the Viagra information will come up. The viewer is left with the impression that the happy mature couple is going up to enjoy a little… Well you know.
Anyway, Viagra has placed itself on my website without my permission. I didn’t invite them, am not being paid by them, and am not prepared to welcome them.
So, I am not getting any benefits from this intrusion. My site is not being pumped up, displaying extended longevity, or showing particular energy for its age.
Puns definitely intended.
Now, I have no problems with Viagra itself. If a man needs it, well by all means go for it.
Remember the opening scene in This is 40 (yes, I am referring to that movie again). Paul Rudd’s Pete has taken Viagra as part of a birthday present for his wife, Debbie. He feels it will enhance his performance. Once Debbie finds out about it, her reaction is not at all what he was hoping for. She’s annoyed and questions whether he needs Viagra in order to have sex with her. Debbie does not accept Paul’s reasoning: he simply wanted to go turbo.
Anyway, I don’t need Viagra. On my site or anywhere else.
Do you ever wonder how a computer virus happens?
My computer updates every night. I have no idea what exactly is happening when it updates. But I wonder, with all this updating, why the heck is my website being infected? Yeah, I know, I know the computer being updated is not related to the website. But still, with all the virus protection everywhere, why is my site being invaded? I wish it was due to the massive number of people being drawn to it. Sigh.
I don’t know. I just want the Viagra advertisements off my website. Leave me alone Viagra.  Go help those who need a rise.

All Males Here

The other night my wife and I watched the movie This is 40. It’s a decent move that had some funny lines and a few parts that we could relate to.  The movie focuses on a family of four made up of a husband, wife and two daughters.

Movie poster image courtesy of Google

Movie poster image courtesy of Google

During one scene, Pete (husband/father) is feeling left out and frustrated as his wife and daughters are dancing along to some pop music which he despises. So, Pete plays his music and starts dancing to it. The females of the family are clearly uninterested and want it off.  Pete says, “Sometimes, I wish just one of you had a dick.”

I turned to my wife and asked her about our male dominant family, “Do you ever wish there was another vagina in our family?” She answered without hesitation, “Yup.”

I laughed.

“What is that noise? Are you trying to poop back there?”

SJ shook his head, “No. Can you open this?”  He handed me a tupperware cup full of juice. Damn muscle tone issues.

“Oh, that’s better. It really did sound like you were trying to make a poop. Didn’t it?” BR and I were laughing.

SJ started kicking my seat. He thought I was making fun of him. I wasn’t.  “I’m just joking. Relax!”

“Hey Daddy, remember that Lightning McQueen game?”  BR said. He was referring to a handheld game that my wife got the boys a while back to play in the car. Very educational – you can learn about geography and national landmarks. While playing the game recently, BR & I noticed another feature that tops its educational value. When Lightning McQueen crashes, it sounds like he is farting.

Lightning McQueen photo courtesy of Google.

Lightning McQueen photo courtesy of Google.

“Of course I remember.”

“Remember how it sounds like Lightning is farting? It’s funny, right?”

“Uh huh.  Hey, I have an idea. Turn the game on so that it will make the farting noises. SJ, when you see me wave my hand, you make that noise you were making before.”

The next minute our orchestra was in perfect pitch. Lawrence Welk has nothing on me. The boys and I were cackling away.

“Hey, do you guys think mommy would find this funny?” I asked. “Nah. Women and girls don’t really find this sort of stuff funny.”

BR and SJ were not interested in a conversation about the differences between men and women. All they could say was, “Do it again, do it again!”

Sorry, honey.