Standing Up

My older son has had some issues with bullying during this school year. Thankfully, they have not been major, and I am hopeful that they are over.  My wife’s advice to our son is, “Walk away, and tell someone.”

Bullying image courtesy of Google.

Bullying image courtesy of Google.

The advice I offer is a bit more nuanced. I recently advised him about an incident at his lunch table. I told him to firmly say to the bully, “Get up or shut up,” and to report it to whoever is in charge.

BR is passive (except when he is around his little brother). While I certainly don’t want him to turn into a bully himself, I don’t want him to be afraid or feel uncomfortable standing up for himself in whatever walk of life.

The purpose of Memorial Day is to remember the veterans who have fallen during war. These courageous individuals paid a terrible price to protect our country and the freedoms that we enjoy. They deserve our respect, admiration, appreciation, and attention. However, I wish there was no need for this day. How many lives have been wasted because of war? The number, whatever it may be is too terrible to count. As Bob Dylan said in Blowin’ in the Wind: Yes, how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died.

 

Courtesy of Google

Courtesy of Google

Yet, sometimes fighting/war is the absolute right thing to do. No, it should not be the first option. No, it is not something to be aspired to. But it may be the only solution.

We are in the middle of the war on terror. Iran is racing towards a nuclear weapon. North Korea continues to provoke its neighbors and the US itself. I wish these things were not occurring. I would prefer that we could reason with these entities/countries. I would rather we find an accommodation that would satisfy everyone. Unfortunately, all indications including recent negotiations, offers, and discussions point to these entities/countries being unwilling to be reasonable. They are bellicose in their ways and expect the U.S. and the West in general to roll over and allow their desires to come to fruition.

President Obama has apparently decided that the war on terror is in a new phase, that there is still time to negotiate with Iran (before they acquire nuclear weapons), and that North Korea can be handled. I believe that the president of the United States is the most powerful person in the world.  While the president can attempt to amend and convince other countries of a course of action, he can not decide the desires and the goals of other countries. Nobody has that kind of power.

I don’t envy the president. He (and someday a she) has to make the decision when force is necessary. He has to decide when to put soldiers – young men and women – in harm’s way. I hope and expect the president to recognize when force is necessary and pray that he will take appropriate action.  There will be more soldiers to mourn and miss on future Memorial Days.

I want my son to stand up for himself. I want him to know that he can take care of himself. I want him to use reason and be firm. I want him to work with the authorities that be.  If all else fails, I expect him to use force. Maybe not a nuclear weapon, but if he has to throw a punch to express his confidence, I’m ok with that.

There are times when one must stand up for one’s self. Memorial Day reminds us of this difficult lesson.

No More Homework!

How many days of school are left? Come on, everybody has a calendar somewhere where they are “x”ing the days out and counting down till school is out. As Alice Cooper sang, “School’s out for summer!”

There are many reasons why you may be counting down. Maybe, you are tired of carpool. Maybe, your child has had a challenging school year. Maybe, you are sick of preparing lunch for your finicky child.

Do you want to know my reason? Homework!

Courtesy of Google.com

Courtesy of Google.com

I graduated high school over 20 years ago. I have an undergraduate degree and three master’s degrees (creative writing, literature, and education). My chosen profession is a high school English teacher. Therefore, it is safe to say that I have and continue to spend much of my life in a school setting. You can rightfully conclude that I appreciate education and the education process.

My professional opinion is that a reasonable amount of homework should be part of the education process. Quality homework (not busy work) reinforces what was taught in class. When a teacher reviews the class’ homework, he or she can get an understanding just how much the students have learned. Homework allows the child to work independently (parents can and should guide as needed and not do it themselves), giving him/her a sense of confidence that they can accomplish work themselves. Lastly, students learn about responsibility and time management.

Yet, I CAN’T WAIT to be done with homework. I know I just noted valid pedagogical reasons why homework is important and practical. However, my children — kindergarten and 3rd grade — get it nearly every night. Our schedule revolves around it. Now, on those rare days when there is no homework, our whole schedule and outlook changes. We make s’mores, write poetry, and listen to classical music. Well, not quite, but it is a much appreciated bonus and leaves the household calmed. All these years later, and I’m still thrilled when the teacher says, “No homework tonight, class!”

Generally, my children do their homework well and with little fighting. Unfortunately, there are those times when the process doesn’t go that smoothly. Voices can get raised, tears shed, mutterings uttered underneath breath, and that’s just me. Can you relate? In fact, this friction caused by homework between parents and children is very common. It is especially so in families who are serious about and concerned for their children’s education. Because the homework challenge is so common, there is a trend toward hiring people who’s sole job is to help kids with homework! http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/08/nyregion/08homework.html?_r=0

Of course when the school year is over, parents are left to entertain their children, juggling work schedules, especially on those days between the end of school and the beginning of camp. Yet, I’ll take this challenge. Why? Because it means no more homework.

Now, how many days till school the end of school?

Not So Independent

Wag your finger and read the following: “If every kid jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”

Everyone heard this from their mother or father and maybe now you say it to your kids. Not so original but the idea behind is meaningful. Don’t be a sheep. Don’t do something simply because everyone else is.

In other words, be independent. Isn’t that one of the big ones? You know if there was a top 10 traits you hope to instill in your child – wouldn’t independence be on there? I am not saying that it is number one. We all have to make our list, but I am sure that independence would make many a parent’s list for traits they want to instill in their child.  I know for sure it would make mine.

However, sometimes too much independence can be a bad thing. A very bad thing.

I’ve mentioned before it has been a rough school year for BR. I don’t want to go into details but suffice to say, the stress level is growing for my wife and I.

This evening BR and I were talking. It had been a particularly rough school day. One of his teachers was absent. His other teacher was present, unfortunately (yes, I said it. What can I tell you? I am really fed up.). Anyway, he acted inappropriately. Those of you who have children with issues similar to BR or any issues for that matter can imagine what these actions might be. Specifics don’t matter.

“What happened today?”

“I was silly.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you want the kids to laugh?”

“Yes.”

“Did they?”

“Yep.”

“Do you think they were laughing at you or with you?” I don’t know if he understood the difference.

“At me.”

“BR, the kids might laugh. They think it’s funny. But it’s inappropriate. However, they are going to think something is wrong.”

No reply.

“Bezalel they are going to think you are weird.”

“I don’t care.”

“You don’t care that the other kids are going to think you are weird?”

“No, what difference does it make?”

“Well, I care. I don’t want kids to think you are weird.”

And there you have it. He is in a place where he claims he does not care. Again, I don’t want him or SJ to do things simply because others are. However, this is different. He is in a classroom and that is a place where you have to submerge your independence and do what everyone is doing. Now, it is not so simple for BR. If only.

So, I am in a bit of a bind. I don’t want to emphasize that his behavior is weird and other kids may laugh at him. There are many components that go into him behaving as he is. One of them is his streak of independence. I wish for now, that he could be a little less independent.

Not Routine

Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day and so I am supposed to be romantic. However, I am not into this holiday – never have been. I don’t like being instructed on how I should behave/act because of the calendar. My wife is not so into the holiday either though she would never turn down flowers.

I want a quiet day. I need a quiet day. And I am sure wife shares my sentiment.

You know when you lose something and you are desperate to get it back? Maybe you lost your keys, or wallet, or phone, etc. Sure, it would be a pain in the ass and an unwanted expense to have to replace these items. However, ultimately, it is simply a pain, and there are no long-lasting effects. Yet if you find these items, you feel so lucky. You promise yourself you will maintain your newfound appreciating for the mundane. And you do. For a few days. Then, you slip back into normal.

Do you know how when things get crazy, you long for normal? You, or your spouse, or your children or everyone has been sick for a few days. Or the house is getting painted and everything is out of order. Or you have a project at work that is necessitating extra hours/stress. You have something like this going on and you long to be back in your normal routine.

That is where I am today. I armed myself with soda and chocolate to ensure my strength and energy. It’s days like these that I wish I sat in a cubicle and I stared at a computer all day. I would have been happy to have a slow day at work where I could have zoned out a bit.

Not the case.

Anyway, I am thrilled that my last class has ended, and I was relatively effective. The students may have learned something and no one got hurt. No huge goals or accomplishments.

There’s stuff going on with my older son’s school. If I was true to my blogger/writing self, I would provide details, but I don’t feel like sharing. I’m not in the mood. Maybe in the future.

My son is clearly bothered. He crawled into our bed last night. My night of sleep which began after 12 a.m. ended at 3:30 a.m. My wife is frustrated and angry. Me, well, I am longing for the routine and for everything to be fine. I want to hear my son’s typical monosyllabic replies to my question of, “How’s school?” And I want to believe his reply.

So, I hope you are enjoying this Valentine’s Day however you want to. May it be a normal day for you. Enjoy your routine.