BR & I. at LEGOLAND Discovery Center celebrating BR’s 9th Birthday
What is friendship?
Does the meaning of friendship change with each relationship?
Does what one require from friendship change with age?
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Last week BR had a play date with his best friend, I. BR and I. met in kindergarten and their friendship formed quickly. Just a few months into that year, BR informed me that I. was “the best friend a guy could have.”
Courtesy of Flickr
I know. It shouldn’t really be a question as we are three weeks into the Fall season. Summer is long gone.But I miss it, and I am having a hard time letting go. You remember those long bright days.
The pre-24-hour-Miley days. The pre-government-shutdown days. Yes, those were good days.
Or.
The no-homework days.
The no-getting-up-in-the-dark days.
The no-6th-period-from-hell days.
Sigh. I know – move on, MMK. I’m trying. Really, I am.
Well, some things have arisen recently that have helped me force my summer dreams aside and let me know Fall is really here. Continue reading
Less than one minute. That’s how long it took for a potent mix of anger and sadness to envelop me. What caused this you may be wondering? I was watching the documentary, Bully (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1682181/)
Courtesy of Flickr.com
Among the memorable images of the movie were:
–the red rimmed eyes of a grieving father
–the helplessness of a mother whose son is being bullied,
–a child declaring, “ Pretty much a good day for me would be people leaving their hands off of me.”
According to Bullyfree.com, bullying is “a form of aggressive behavior that is intentional, hurtful, (physical and psychological), and/or threatening and persistent (repeated). There is an imbalance of strength (power and dominance).”
While the majority of bullying takes place in the hallways, lunchrooms, school buses, and play areas, it also occurs in the classroom.
As a high school English teacher in an inner city school in Brooklyn, I have witnessed teasing that has crossed the line into bullying. I strove to combat it. I did not always succeed.
“Kerwin” (made up name) was a child in my classed. Kerwin was overweight. He did not dress fashionably and was very quiet. He was a capable student. However, his absenteeism negatively affected his grades and the amount he was able to learn.
Kerwin was part of a challenging class that included some unruly students. Days would go by,and Kerwin was left to his quiet self. However, the teasing could start at any time. And it got personal – faggot, pussy, piece of shit, and more. I called the parents, talked to the deans, and gave the class and the offending individuals lectures on respect.
I’d like to think I did everything I could to stop the bullying. I’d like to think that if I were Kerwin’s parents, I would have been appreciative of the teacher’s efforts. But I’m not sure.
I’m not sure because I’ve also been the parent. My older son has been bullied – he was hit and harassed on the school bus and at recess. My wife and I addressed this issue in multiple ways. We talked to members of the school administration, contacted the family of the child who was bullying our son, and gave our son instructions on how to handle the situation. Despite all this, the situation was ultimately out of our hands. We were helpless and had to rely on others to watch out for our son. It was a sickening feeling.
I don’t like feeling helpless – I’m the kind of person who always wants to think there is some action I can take to make things better. When kids are in school, the only concern they should have is how to achieve their potential. They should not be worried about making it through a day without being pushed, prodded, beaten, or worse.
Doctors have the Hippocratic oath where they promise – among other things – to treat the ill to the best of their ability. Policemen take an oath as well.
I believe it is time to create an oath for educators. As part of that oath, we will promise to do our best to teach your child. We also will watch out for your child so that he or she will feel safe wherever they are in school.
Let me be the first to pledge. You have my word.
Now it’s your turn. What will you do to make it stop?
One of the beauties of blogging is coming across blogs/blogger whose story you can relate to. This is true of today’s guest Kelly from My Twiced Baked Potato
Kelly, whose blog I have been following for some time, has a son who has some similar challenges to BR. Therefore, I often find myself being able to relate and empathize with the blogs posts on My Twiced Baked Potato
Another similarity is education. Kelly is a working elementary teacher with a MA in Curriculum Development. She is passionate about literacy, gifted education & working so that all kids can be successful in school! She started her blog as a way to share information about twice-exceptional children and discovered a community.
Read the post below to learn more about her son and how he feels about the approaching school year.
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As I turned the calendar from July to August, I sighed aloud. This signifies the unavoidable transformation of my son from “Summer Boy” to “School Boy.”
SUMMER BOY
Summer Boy has freckled, sun-kissed cheeks, a relaxed body and a grin from ear to ear. He moves without careful consideration of his surroundings and is confident and funny; he asks questions that spark further investigations and reminds him of previous games or stories.
The slower schedule with less “have tos” are a contributing factor to his happiness quotient. He reads and practices math skills with little re-teaching necessary. In between the computer time, academics and a few chores, he loves technology and his self-taught skills which he proudly shares.
Summer Boy feels good about himself; he breaks into spontaneous song or dance and periodically spends significant energy making others laugh. He loves July because of his birthday, Fourth of July and the freedom that accompanies this special month.
Once August begins, it is as if someone turned a giant hour glass timer over. As the sand steadily pours out, Summer Boy is forced to morph into School Boy.
SCHOOL BOY
This transformation happens before Labor Day. He takes on noticeable physical changes, as obvious as the color change of an Arctic Fox. He wears hunched shoulders and his eyes look down. There is less laughing and sharing and more tightness in his arms and legs.
Many are first turned off by School Boy’s unexpected behavior, poor social skills, and sarcastic wit. He appears arrogant to the untrained eye, and his definite opinions and inability to take suggestions well make it hard to approach him with an open mind.
When you co-exist with the recently transformed School Boy, there is a lot of walking on egg shells and carefully choosing your words so that he doesn’t implode. The torture of adjusting to new policies, new environment, new classmates and a new teacher challenge School Boy and his loved ones. Even with careful monitoring, School Boy needs weekends and after school hours to refuel and recover.
In first grade, there were frequent visits to the principal’s office and daily emails listing the poor choices and infractions from the day. This transformation went on well into January.
In second grade, the progression was smoother and only proved to be hard until October. Each year, thankfully, the transition seems to grow shorter!
School Boy turns into “Settled Boy.”
SETTLED BOY
Settled Boy is not convinced that school is a place for him. He gets used to the work and most days are tolerable for him. At times, he sees moments of importance and even shows a bit more of his gifts to a select few.
I’m sure that I’m not alone at questioning the acceptance of Settled Boy and his desire to just “get through the school days because nothing is interesting to me!” This might be the very reason why some families home school. Could that mean that “Summer Boy” would be present all the time?
Today we returned from the last vacation of the summer, and I saw my precious boy looking at the calendar. He is fully aware of his own transformation and the difficulty that the beginning stages of “School Boy” takes on him and our family.
Now that it is August, what does the transformation from summer to school look like in your home? Do you yearn for more days with Summer Boy?