Tag Archives: ramblings

A Dream to Persue?

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Do you ever have a dream that feels so vivid but you can’t remember it the second you are awake? They are like a firework. They make a big splash but quickly fade to nothing.

Then, there are those dreams that seem to go on for a long time. It’s like I dreamed a miniseries. There are different acts and scenes. I wake up remembering pieces of the epic and convinced that the dream and its contents will stay with me throughout the day and beyond. However, once I turn my attention to something else – even as mundane as taking a shower – my memory abandons me. Usually, by the end of the day I am left with scraps – if I am lucky.

Lastly, there is the third type of dream whose vividness varies. However, what does not vary is my memory for the contents. The memory stays with me, through the day, week, month, etc.

And I wonder why? Why do some dreams remain in my mind and others fade into oblivion? I am not looking for a scientific analysis though I am sure there are doctors or psychologists who could propose a perfectly reasonable thought.  However, I am not looking for the kind of answer that a doctor/psychologist would propose. I am thinking more about symbolism.

You have those dreams that are shall we say pipe dreams (by the way, I am nearly certain the term comes from The Iceman Cometh). Example: I am going to play in the NBA. So what that I did not make the high school team, I am 5’10’’, slow, and can’t jump. These are dreams that need to be in the rear view mirror.

There are some dreams that have a chance to come true but maybe, you lose interest in them as you grow up. Example: I am going to be a talk show host. As I get older, I realize that I don’t get along with all types of people. So, while there are elements I find appealing and will always, I decide to go in another direction.

Finally, there are those dreams that you are really passionate about. There will be bumps in the road but nothing can throw you off the track. Example: I want to be pediatrician. I am challenged by biology, loans are outrageous, internship is beyond exhausting. However, I will not back down. This is my dream, and I will make it happen. This is my direction.

As I ponder the different dreams, I think back on the dreams that I have had and what category they fit in. Truthfully, there have been very very few dreams for me that have fit into the third category. I feel proud of my flexibility and my rational and reasonable approach. However, I feel frustrated that my level of achievement is not up to my capabilities. I feel that my potential is for something greater. I think super achievers have an ability to put their head down and relentlessly pursue their dream. As I get older, a question I need to answer is what I am willing to do in order to achieve my dreams.

It’s a Safety Issue

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I am a subscriber to a number of blogs. One which I particularly enjoy is A Teachable Mom (http://ateachablemom.com/). The writing is top notch and the subjects are diverse and interesting. I highly recommend you check out the blog.

Today, I present to you a guest post from A Teachable Mom.  Thanks so much to ATM. Read this post about ATM’s thoughts on cleanliness and you will see why I speak so highly of the blogger.

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Despite what my children, husband, friends and family members enemies may tell you, I’m a fairly sane and even-tempered person. Mostly.

I also may be a teeny, tiny bit anal in my need for order and tidiness. It’s a lovable quality. Mostly.

Unfortunately, my aversion to messiness is a repeat lighting rod in my marriage; the cause of many arguments. My husband, Mike, and I are clear we’re not really fighting about clutter, chaos and crayons. We’ve been told dozens of times that we’re really fighting about power: who has it, who wants it and who’s going to keep the other from getting more. Sound like fun? I agree!

Unfortunately, I’m the one who pays good money for a therapist to remind me that I can be right or be happy. Not both. Not fair.

My therapist also is adept at pointing out that control is one of my flaws. As much as I prod and push him, he refuses to point out Mike’s flaws. That must cost extra.

We can all agree that my therapist’s reluctance forces me to point out Mike’s flaws for him. Today I’ll focus on one of his biggest: obliviousness.

Mike is oblivious to messes. He can look at this room and think, “You know, I think we could use a ceiling fan in here. I’ll head over to Home Depot now and get one.”

 

Photo Credit: evelynishere Flickr/Creative Commons

I look at this room, and I can’t breathe. I must sit down. But wait! There’s nowhere to sit. Even though it is only a picture of a messy room, I must sit down. Hyperventilating here!

Mike is able to walk over piles of clothes, underwear and toys in a single step and never look back. Every night he reads numerous books to our four year old daughter, Rhys, and doesn’t mind stacking the books on the floor in makeshift piles instead of putting them back on the bookshelf.

Here’s a typical interaction between us:

Me: Mike, can you help Rhys pick up her weeks’worth of underwear and clothes off the ground and put the books back on the bookshelf when you’re finished reading them.

Unspoken communication: I really mean right now. Who do you think comes and restacks the books on the bookshelf? The f**king library fairy?

Unfortunately, our marriage doesn’t flourish if I repeat every nasty thought I have in my head. I tend to come across as controlling and bitchy – even though I’m just being helpful! Truly.

So I have a new strategy. A wise friend recently reminded me that as long as I couch any request as a “safety issue,” I’m good to go.

Here’s my redo:

Me: Mike, honey, I’m concerned about your and Rhys’ safety. With all those books around, you could trip and twist an ankle. I hate the thought of you not being able to run or play basketball if you tripped over all those books. Would you put the books back on the bookshelf when you’re done reading them? It’s really a safety issue. Thank you.

Should work like a charm.

Occasionally, my anal tendencies desert me. A few weeks back, my husband took the girls to visit his family in Michigan. I enjoyed our house by myself for a blissful 29 hours. During this time, I noticed something odd. Messiness is comforting. And so much easier. I left dishes in the sink overnight, left groceries on the counter and newspaper and books strewn across the kitchen. Relaxing!

Apparently, when it’s my mess, I’m perfectly happy to ignore it. When a loved one’s mess is added to mine, I go postal. Curious, don’t you think?

My friends tell me I’m nuts lovable. Every parenting expert, book and blog warns that children and neat homes have never co-existed peacefully on this planet. Even though I believe this is true, I’m insanedetermined to be the first. Here’s my plan:

No matter what it takes or the fallout that ensues, we will get our house organized once and for all. And then we’ll keep it like that. We won’t touch anything. Our house will be a museum. That sounds so fun! To me.

Unfortunately, our daughters have other ideas about order and organization. Apparently tidiness is not fun. Who knew?

I have failed in my quest to teach my girls to put away things they take out. This was my sole reason for desperately wanting them to go to Montessori school. In Montessori, kids learn to return one toy to its designated place before taking out another.

For this reason alone, I think Maria Montessori was a genius! She also may have been a tad anal. (I love her for that!)

Unfortunately, we weren’t accepted to any Montessori schools. (Perhaps the school administrators were so awed by my organizational abilities, they didn’t feel worthy of teaching my progeny? Something like that.) Either way, Montessori was not our fate (apparently the universe prefers to give me repeated practice with letting go of my anal tendencies) and the messes continue.

I’m also one of those people, the sane few, who straighten up the house before our housekeeper comes for her monthly cleaning spree. While my husband cannot comprehend this, I want you, dear reader, to hear me out. I refuse to pay someone to clean, only to come home to a clean, messy house. I want a clean, neathouse. And I make everyone miserable making sure I get one. Once a month.

If you are one of those people who straighten the house before a housekeeper comes to clean (or would if you had a housekeeper), please raise your hand. Thank you. I count, hmmm, let’s see … everyone? I’ll consider that scientific proof that everyone sees the wisdom in this practice. I believe we have a consensus: to not straighten up before a housekeeper visits is, in fact, insane. And a safety issue.

 

Writer’s Congestion

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I got nothing. Not true. Actually, I have too many, and that is the problem.
What is your writing process? Is your blog on your mind all the time? Are you always on the lookout for what would make a good blog entry? Do you just sit down and write about whatever pops into your head? Do books, television, movies, newspapers, etc, inspire your writing?
My answer is yes. I use all of those methods. And right now, the ideas are fighting to break through, but none seem to be emerging. It’s the opposite of writer’s block – writer’s congestion.
I could write about
–        BR is away, and the house is quiet. I know he is having a good time and is well cared for. I love him, but I don’t miss him. I will, however, be happy to see him. For now, I am enjoying the serenity. I don’t feel guilty.
–        SJ and I have been enjoying the town beach/pool. I’m noticing how the beach brings out the extremes in kids. I see children laughing, smiling, and playing with each other. I see kids throwing tantrums and having crying fits. Overstimulation leads to tiredness.
–        We have had some repair work done on our house. But will it ever end? My wife and I were already discussing what’s next. Sometimes, I wish we were back in an condminium, calling the super.

–        I am tired of hearing politicians arguing about stupidity and making idiotic claims about each other. Regardless of your political point of view, the overwhelming majority of us Americans know that the country is not in a good place right now. There are serious problems. I would like to hear politicians offer serious solutions. I want to hear what their policy is and why it will work. That’s it.

–        August is creeping along and I am doing my damndest to keep my focus on the here and now. I still have goals I want to accomplish this summer. Then, there are the children’s doctor appointments, haircuts, school schedules  to plan. We haven’t even gone on vacation yet.
And this isn’t even the half of it.
So, as you can see, my writer’s mind (and thoughts in general) have been zooming. I need to slow down. I pray every day. One of the things I pray for in the morning is the ability to focus on the task at hand. I believe it is the way to be productive and get the most meaning out of anything you are doing.
Focus, man focus. That’s what I need.

Too Old For This

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1:34, 2:18, 3:04, 3:41, 4:00, … This is not a bus schedule, a list of bible sections, or available time slots to have the cable guy come. No, these are the times that BR woke me on Saturday night.

I stopped at 4:00 not because he finally fell asleep. No, I stopped then because I finally got up, told my wife to try and sleep, and I took over trying to get BR back to sleep. I picked out one of his library books, Benjamin Franklinstein Lives by Matthew McElligott, and began reading. Fifty pages later and he was … declaring it morning and time to get up. You thought I was going to say he fell asleep – didn’t you? Oh how I wish you were right!

No luck. One of the blogs I follow is Being Mummy (www.elskenewman.com). One topic that the blogger has written a lot about is the difficulties she and her husband are having getting their child into a good sleep pattern. The baby has been giving them long sleepless nights. I’ve left comments saying, “Good luck, been there, be strong, it will happen eventually, enjoy your 80 ounces of coffee,” etc. While reading the blog and writing the comments, I have felt great relief: Thank G-d my children are past that stage!

After all, my boys are 8 and 5.5. They are way past the up-all-night stage. (The first time BR slept through the night, I told colleagues at work the next day that I had never loved him more.) Sure, I know there is the occasional illness, anxiety, or excitement that may awaken or keep the boys awake a bit – maybe an hour. Nothing a book or lying next to them could not cure. What you may be wondering caused me to be soooooo wrong on Saturday night?

Well, on Sunday morning, BR and I were scheduled to be on the 9:48 a.m. train out of Radburn with our final destination being Trenton, NJ. At Trenton, my Mom was picking him to spend a few days at her condo. We’ll be driving down on Thursday night. This is the longest – by far – that he will be away from us.

How excited is he? And quote.

“Tomorrow will be the second best day of my life.”

“So, you are not coming with me? Or Dad?”

“Of course, I can behave – SJ won’t be there.”

“I’ll only miss you a little bit.”

“You’re not coming with me, right?

 

So, my parenting expertise gained from years in said role tells me he is ready for this experience. Duuuh.

I’m happy he is excited to spend time with his grandmother. I’m happy he is ready for some independence. I’m happy he is maturing.  Before his next getaway, though, I’ll be spiking his milk and cookies. I need my sleep!