Earlier today, my friend Kate over at Did That Just Happen Blog honored me by allowing me to be a guest on her blog.
The post is one I think all parents will be able to relate to: Selective Deafness. You may not know what I mean by this trait. However, I am positive your children suffer from this occasionally as well.
Click here to read the post: http://didthatjusthappenblog.wordpress.com/2013/03/20/selective-deafness/
Things to do. Limited energy. You know what I mean. Anyway, the result – my children watch way too much television. The television is convenient. The children are quiet. I know, I know they are not chiseling out my bust for the parent hall of fame.
Two weeks ago I mentioned to you about my son’s obsession with Mickey Mouse (Mickey-mouse-questions-and-thoughts) and how it has filtered down to me. I still have some unanswered questions on that front, but I am moving on. Today, I come to you to praise one of the regulars of my children’s television watching. SpongeBob.
Courtesy of Google.com
That’s right I like SpongeBob. Not only do I like him, I think he is a good role model. Let me run down a list of his positive traits.
WORK ETHIC: – Who wouldn’t want their child to have a work ethic similar to Sponge Bob’s? He is punctual. Once SpongeBob arrived late at work. He felt so bad that he started sleeping at The Krusty Krab. On top of that, he is ambitious. When Mr. Krabs was going to open up a new store, SpongeBob was eager for the promotion. When Squidward got the job, SpongeBob was crushed.
FRIENDLY: SpongeBob is even nice to Squidward despite the fact that this friendship is rarely returned. There was an episode where Squidward was being bullied. SpongeBob insisted Sandy Cheeks teach Squidward karate. Of course, SpongeBob is always there for Patrick. In one episode, Patrick’s parents come for a visit. Patrick is worried because his parents think he is dumb. So, SpongeBob pretends to be a moron to make Patrick look good.
LOYAL: SpongeBob will do just about anything for Mr. Krabs. In one episode, Pearl, Mr. Krab’s teenage daughter, insists on having a sleepover. Mr. Krabs vacates the house, but he is worried about leaving her alone. So, Mr. Krabs asks SpongeBob to check on the sleepover. SpongeBob does so and in many different guises – including as the pizza delivery guy.
PERSISTENCE: SpongeBob wants to learn how to drive a boat. Unfortunately, he has repeatedly failed his driver’s exam. Instead of giving up, he continues to take driver’s education classes.
RESPECT FOR TEACHERS: (You knew I had to throw this one in there.) Ms. Puff is SpongeBob’s driver’s education teacher. One day Ms. Puff was absent from class and SpongeBob was so disappointed. In addition, whenever Ms. Puff needs something, SpongeBob is happy to oblige.
HUMILITY: SpongeBob was working as a stand-up comedian and bombing. So, he started making fun of squirrels and the crowd loved it. Well, Sandy Cheeks, SpongeBob’s squirrel friend did not like it as others in Bikini Bottom started looking at her differently. So, SpongeBob fights his desire for popularity and instead starts making fun of himself (and everyone else).
Yes, I know SpongeBob can be an idiot and has an annoying laugh. However, honestly now, tell me aren’t these qualities you respect in others and want for your children? I know I would like to see my children exhibit these qualities. So, though I feel guilty for being busy and turning the television into a babysitter, I feel a little less bad when my children are watching SpongeBob – a real role model.
P.S. You should know that 99% of this was written based on my viewing of the show and 1% was researched to refresh my memory. I tell you this so you should judge me. Go ahead! I can take it.
At the end of this post, you will be either grossed out or laughing. Or both. If you have a sense of humor similar to mine, you will probably feel both. Proceed if you wish but consider yourself forewarned.
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Last week my blogging friend over at http://motherhoodisanart.com/ wrote a post entitled Getting My Report Card as a Parent. Melissa mentioned that as parents we get reviews or report cards. However, she said, the closest thing to a review is when we bring our kids for their doctor checkups and dentist appointment. Melissa is clearly worried about how the doctor will see her children and is certain the dentist would give her a C if he/she could. She does not have her kids floss.
Are you kidding? I exchanged some emails with Melissa. If flossing is the criteria, I would get an F. My kids brush their teeth twice a day – as long as they are reminded bugged threatened. It’s not that they are dirty children. It’s just that they are boys. They are not especially worried about dirt. To their further detriment, they are my boys.
I have told you numerous times that I lack patience. Any patience I do have is often taken up at work. By the time I get home, I am certainly patience challenged. Well, the apple doesn’t fall from the tree.
My children don’t have time to thoroughly brush their teeth. They have other things they want to do – watch television, play on the computer, build Lego, vroom Thomas trucks, etc. See, these other things are clearly more important. Ten seconds a brushing – that ought to do it is their attitude. I tried to make up a catchy tune to get them to be more thorough – up and down, all around and all over the place. Okay it may not be especially catchy – I am neither Lennon nor McCartney – but my mediocre at best voice makes these words sound not terrible. However, the desired affect is not there.
I think I know what you are thinking. While uncouth, this is far from disgusting. Your own boys may be in the same dirty boat. Well, I am not finished.
If you walk into any of our 2 ½ bathrooms, you will find wipes. Yes, both boys were on the later end of potty training. However, both are, thankfully, well past that stage. They are patient enough to sit and take care of their business. However, that is about where their patience ends. Wiping. Whose got time for wiping? This bathroom hastiness clearly goes beyond tooth brushing. One wipe, maybe two is about all they have time for.
Picture courtesy of http://www.google.com/
This hasty retreat from the bathroom can lead to malodorous results. And, no I am not talking about farting.
So, Melissa, if the doctor was giving me a grade for my parenting I’m certain it wouldn’t be good. Dirty butts – I’m not even on the parenting chart.
Before the week began, I knew it would be a rough one. There were things on the calendar that simply could not be avoided or handled in advance. Personal stuff, work stuff and more. I was just going to have to suck it up and get by. I have been getting less than five hours of a sleep a night. I know you’ve been there. I’m not asking for sympathy.As the week dragged on, I had one goal in mind: make it to the weekend. This Jew needs his restful Sabbath. However, I had much to do before I could make it to the promise land of the day of rest.
How could I make it? How could I get everything done? Well, I found a way. I’m popping now.
I don’t mean popping like my students say (well, that slang term doesn’t seem quite as popular. What’s poppin – meaning what’s going on?) No, I mean popping my drug of choice.
What? You heard me. I have gone off the wagon and on my drug of choice.
And what is my drug of choice? CHOCOLATE.
Way back, I mentioned my love for chocolate (https://larrydbernstein.com/tradition/). Now, I am not alone in this regards. A study showed that 97% of people prefer chocolate over other foods. Okay, I made that statistic up. However, empirical evidence, i.e. blog reading, tells me that I am nearly correct.
Anyway, this week has been different. See, my wife stashed away a bag of miniature chocolates, and I found them. And now I’m using. These little bars of heaven have gotten me through. They have been my raft that has allowed me to stay afloat during this overburdened week.
Picture courtesy of http://www.google.com/
Let me give you an idea of my mindset: Was that a yawn? Pop a Snickers. Do I feel drowsy? Let me grab a Milky Way. Have I been working hard and just deserve something? Twix.
That sugar and caffeine bring me a joy and a rush. I can keep going. I can accomplish. It’s all good – a win, win.
Okay, I know this is not a long term solution. Next week is going to be busy too. And the bag of miniatures isn’t done. Hmmm. Well, I can quit the following week. I am in control. Gotta go. A Three Musketeers bar is calling me.