Tag Archives: Jewish

Could This Child Really Be Mine?

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Is that my son dancing?

SJ showing his finest moves on the dance floor.

Did you ever look at your child and think to you yourself, he/she is just like me?

Of course you have. And in many ways, it’s kind of cool. And not narcissistic.

Today was not one of those days.

My wife and I are both on the shy side. We are not in your face sort of people. Let others have the spotlight. We’ll be fine to chill off to the side in small groups.

This weekend we attended a family bar mitzvah of my little cousin, GR. He’s a good kid with a nice sense of humor and positive disposition. My wife and I had a lot of fun at the bar mitzvah. We got to catch up with family, enjoy some tasty food, and share the joy with GR and his parents.

The day was about GR, but SJ, my soon to be 7-year-old nearly stole the show.

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Clean Slate

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When you read this, I will be in the midst of celebrating, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. Like most religious holidays, it includes prayer and food.  However, it is so much more than that. It is the holiday of second chances.

Beginning tonight with Rosh Hashana, which commemorates the anniversary of the creation of the world, and concluding ten days from now with Yom Kippur, we are being judged. Scary connotations, I know. Who hasn’t gone astray? Done things they should not have? Said things that were hurtful to others? Let their potential go unfulfilled? I am confident when I say the answer to that series of questions is everyone. I know, for sure, I have.  That is why we have this period, which is known as the 10 days of repentance.

Often behavior noted above leaves me disappointed with myself. Whether it is losing my patience with my children, arguing with my wife, gossiping about friends, or not showing the proper respect to my mom, (I‘ll stop there – no need to fill you in on all my dirty laundry) I have a whole load of missteps that I need to work on. I am not expecting perfection, and I am confident G-d does not expect that. In fact, I read somewhere that one of the major aims of this time period should be set up a plan and goals on how you will strive to be that better version of you.

Anyway, I think my reaction to my faults is probably typical. Wallowing, frustrated, disheartened are obviously feelings no one wants to experience. That is where the beauty of this holiday and time period come in. We can say: I’m sorry, I made a mistake, I’ll change. I will do better. And an all knowing G-d will hear us and recognize our sincerity. Get this – G-d can wipe the slate clean.  It’s a burden lifted and an opportunity to move forward and strive to be more like the person you desire to be.

Isn’t that beautiful? I believe it is. So, while this is certainly a heavy time (and I don’t mean because of all the delicious food around – that’s a whole other topic) of year, it ultimately is a time of lightening one’s load. So, tonight and through these next 10 days, I will strive to let go and begin anew my quest to become a better me.

Nervous

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I’m nervous. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.

On Saturday morning at around 9:00 a.m., I will be chanting words from the weekly Torah portion. Well, chanting is what I am supposed to do, but with my voice, that is an optimistic thought. Anyway, I will be doing this in front of a small group, maybe 20 (my wife and children won’t even be there). The portion I am doing is tiny – less than 100 words and will take me (should at least) less than two minutes.

So, there is no real reason to be nervous, but yet, I am.

What’s the worst that could happen? I could butcher the words, sweat profusely, or choke uncontrollably.  Or, I could feel embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

Why am I putting myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment? Maybe, but I have a reason for wanting to chant the Torah. I’ve never done it before. My bar mitzvah was nearly thirty years ago. I did not read from the Torah but instead read the haftorah. I was nervous. While sitting in front of the congregation, which included all my family and friends, awaiting my moment, I got the hiccups. That helped my nerves. I used to get the hiccups all the time as a child, and they could last for up to an hour. Somehow, I overcame the hiccups and got through the reading. The reading went pretty well, though I could have been louder, if I do say so myself.

Since I became a regular synagogue goer about 15 years ago, I have wanted to read from the Torah. It is an honor and a privilege. I have been especially thinking about taking the leap this summer. I had some time to put into study, and I am not sure when this spare time will come again. So, now I find myself anxiously awaiting Saturday morning. Till then, I am practicing and practicing. Well, at least unlike my bar mitzvah, I don’t have to worry about my voice cracking though I do still get the occasional zit and hiccups.

Uggh, more things to worry about.

Wish me luck.

Just Watch TV!

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I look forward to the weekends. I love being able to use my time more as I want rather than as I must.  I look at weekends as a time to refresh, bond, and catch up. This doesn’t make me unique – I know. Heck there are songs, stories, and clichés about looking forward to the weekends.

My family and I observe the Jewish Sabbath which runs from sundown Friday till one hour after sundown Saturday. During this 25 hour period, we strive to have our focus on more spiritual endeavors.  In addition, we spend time with family/friends, eat good food, dress nicely, and rest.  We do not use electronics (lights and ovens are left on) such as computers, television, phones, etc.  This tune-out of the mundane does indeed help to create a mental break from the previous week and is a way of preparing for the upcoming week. Each week, I greatly look forward to the Sabbath.

I looked forward to it just the same, but this past Sabbath was different. The children could not stop arguing. Our older son (BR) was rude, pushy, and overaggressive with his brother; the younger son (SY) was whiney, instigating, and inflexible. Everything that occurred produced a fight. I know many of you are probably shaking your heads at this point thinking something like – “kids arguing – been there, know that one.”  Me too. However, this time seemed different. It was as if they could not stop. Eventually, I insisted (actually, I yelled loudly but insisted sounds nicer) that they each go to their rooms and shut their doors. However, you know what I wished for – really – the television. I would have been happy to hear Thomas tooting, the Backyardigans going for a snack, Spongebob laughing moronically, or Dragonball Z Kai characters yelling. These sounds would have been music. Each child in a separate room watching contentedly and quiet – ahh. Hell, I would have brought them popcorn.  I know, I know, I shouldn’t encourage even more television watching, but damn it, I couldn’t take it anymore.

Peace and quiet on a weekend thanks to nonstop TV.  Have they written a song about that?