Tag Archives: inspirational

Thanksgiving – The Perfect American Holiday

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I love Thanksgiving.  It is the perfect American holiday. Many holidays are complicated and deep, but Thanksgiving is direct and to the point.  Be thankful and appreciate what you have and those around you. Who can’t get behind that thought? Yes, it’s something we should do every day, but what’s wrong with a little reminder?  We are all busy days and reminders are helpful – even Ernie used to have rubber bands around his fingers to ensure he would remember important events.   Of course, when Bert would ask him about why he had the rubber band, all he could remember was that he was supposed to remember something. I’m digressing now. The point is Thanksgiving is a reminder and it comes with Turkey, stuffing, cornbread, yams, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, etc. – I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. Isn’t that the kind of reminder you could deal with every day? Yes, we have our phones and various gadgets that can be set to remind us of our schedule and plans, but all it comes with is a buzzing noise of some sort – not even vegetables.

Thanksgiving gets most of us two days off from work. It’s like a two for one, and who doesn’t like a good deal?  These days when things are so challenging we have to take the bargains where we can get them. Those days off don’t need to be spent feeling one ounce of guilt such as Veterans Day or Memorial Day when most of us see it as a long weekend rather than appreciate the meaning behind them. I am guilty of this and only consider the seriousness of the holiday while watching the news where they inevitably have the scene of politicians at some event commemorating the solemnness of the day. No, as I said earlier, Thanksgiving is less complicated – be thankful and pass the turkey.

Even in this down year, I love football. I have a lot of company there as it is the most popular American sport and therefore, appropriately three games are played on the most traditional American holiday.  Games are on pre meal, during the meal, and after the meal, so you can watch all day or whenever it is convenient. Isn’t that nice – entertainment along with your Turkey?

I could go on about the parades, but I think you get my point. I love Thanksgiving, the most American of holidays. Happy Thanksgiving to all – appreciate the blessings!

Condolences

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“I have really sad news,” my wife said to me over the phone as I was in the middle of my dinner. She went on to tell me about the passing of our brother-in-law’s brother.  I buzzed her with questions, “Was he sick? You never said he was sick! What happened?“  She had no answers.

My friends and I are at an age when it is not, unfortunately, uncommon to be losing parents. While this is sad and hurtful, it is understandable. The older generation passes and the next generation moves on.  However, to hear of someone passing in our generation or G-d forbid the next one is leaves one shaking his head wondering why is this happening. 

I did not know him, Bruce and had only met him a few times over the nearly 11 years or so that I have known my wife.  We did not have much reason to come in contact.  However, I did know about snippets of his life: served in the Israeli Army, loved knaidelach (you try spelling a Yiddish word), worked in emergency services.  There is something else I know: he leaves behind two children, ages 7 & 9 and his own parents are alive and well.   How many times has it been said, “There is nothing worse than having your children pass before you.”  These good people are experiencing that feeling and it will be with them for the rest of their lives.

Shortly after my wife called me and I digested the news, I called my brother-in-law.  I had to. I wanted to. There was agony in his voice. He was writing the eulogy to be delivered at his little brother’s funeral the next day.  Upon returning home from work the next day, my wife described the tears our nieces and nephews shed as they saw their uncle being buried.  This terrible phone call and scene were made even more difficult because I did not share the personal sense of loss that loved ones of mine shared.   My sadness is for them. I am outside the circle.  However, rather than wanting to join them, my concern is how do I perform my role as comforter.  I’ll visit with them, listen to some stories, look at pictures, or just sit with them.  I don’t know if this will help them release some of the grief, but I know that knowing someone cares and wants to share your grief can be comforting and meaningful.

Value Added

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As parents, we try to inculcate values into our children.  I don’t mean ensuring they support the same sports teams as you, or that they enjoy the same music as you. No, while both of these things would be nice hobbies to share, they are not essential. I mean those types of values that make our children decent people that we can be proud of and point to them with pride and say that one’s mine.

My mother-in-law passed away over 5 years ago. Don’t wait for any in law jokes. We got along just fine. She was loyal, supportive, and funny. My father-in-law, her husband, died nearly 15 years earlier. The two of them met later in life and were only blessed with 28 years together. From the way, she spoke it was so clear just how much she adored and appreciated her husband.  Just two and a half months after my wife and I married, I lost my job. Some parents might have questioned their children’s decision. Can he support you?  This never came up in conversation, and I am certain my mother-in-law never even thought it.  When I was considering and ultimately decided to become a teacher, she was thrilled. She had been a teacher herself and assured me that I would be very good at it. She loved to hear stories from the classroom.  It is always awkward when figuring out how to address your in-law. One day I simply asked her what should I call you. She smiled and said, “mother-out-law.”  I snickered a bit while she laughed heartily at her own corny joke.

When my wife suggested that we participate in the pancreatic cancer walk to honor my mother-in-law’s memory, I was all for it. However what most piqued my interest in regards to the walk was the chance to have my children participate in it as well. The walk was only 1 mile and a short drive from our home. The walk gave my wife and I a chance to not only talk with our children about helping people, but it provided us a tangible method for doing so. Throughout the whole week leading up to the walk, we talked about what the wonderful thing that we were doing. While my older son was confused about why we had to give the money away that we raised, he was excited for the opportunity to bring in a mitzvah note to his teacher on Monday. I explained to the children on the drive to the walk, “This is a great thing we are doing. By doing this walk, we are helping people. I’m proud of you guys. You should be proud of yourselves.”

So, we had a productive day. We took a meaningful walk with over 500 other people, raised nearly $800 dollars for The Lustgarten Foundation, and my children got to learn what it means to give of oneself. I hope they retain some memory of this day, participate in many more charitable events, and I get to point to them with pride.

Love Changes

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My wife and I attended a wedding a today of friends of ours.  It is the second marriage of the bride, a mother of two, whose first husband died tragically. For the husband, it is his first marriage.  They are not kids and therefore go into marriage with a history which hopefully, they have learned from. Either way, a wedding represents a beginning filled with great hope and anticipation. It’s as if all is possible.

My wife and I were one of five couples at our table. We all know each other well and are on a friendly basis. One more thing that connects us is we all have young children. Anyway, as the speeches were being made and the talk came of love and family, our table was silent.  I think the silence was not just out of respect and decency, but instead, it was out of knowing. Maybe this is true of older couples as well, but I think you get to a point where you delude yourself again. Anyway, we all know that marriage is challenging with some days rougher than others. Life happens and with it comes joys, accomplishments, disappointments, frustrations, etc.  The years and experiences leave us changed and therefore, the love also has to develop, grow, and adapt. That love you feel on your wedding day and around that special moment, which is so awesome, is fleeting.  The love must change because the person you are changes as well.

My wife has said multiple times she does not believe in the old axiom don’t go to bed angry.  In my book, this does not make her cruel or unfeeling. Nope, it makes her smart. We are exhausted at the end of the day from kids, work, hectic, run-run – life. By the time we get to bed, it’s possible that something has occurred to leave us ticked off at each other.  Some of these reasons are valid and need attention, while others are simpler and are more easily handled. Either way, it would be nice to talk things out and make nice (yeah baby) before bed, but there are times when you just need the sleep.  However, I don’t need to have every day end happy to know that what we have works. Knowing that another day is coming which hopefully will find us refreshed or at least more energetic is often enough comfort and necessary. Therefore, I choose another axiom: everything can wait.

Oh, one more piece of advice. Know when to keep your mouth shut, agree, and, when necessary, lie.