Something is amok. I can’t think of any other way to describe it. I can’t spell receive.

Yes, I know the ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ rule. Any person who makes it past third grade knows the rule. Not only do I know that rule, but I’m actually a good speller. Really.

Or at least I was. I’d like to blame spell check. Striving to be a good speller these days is almost as useful as learning Latin. It’s true. Think about it – spelling properly is passé when texting or on Twitter. Who has time for all those letters?  And even if you do actually care about spelling properly – you dinosaur you – there’s always the red squiggly line to indicate when you made an error. G-d bless computers. So, really maybe spelling is over rated.

Or I’m getting old and my hearing is not as good. After all, isn’t spelling about hearing. You remember when your teacher told you back in elementary school when you asked him or her how to spell word? They said sound it out.

But still why receive? I mean it’s not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (I Googled that). It’s a common word.  Is there something deeper here? What’s the underlying meaning? I really do think like this, by the way. My analysis continues during movies too – out loud. Maybe, it began when I was a graduate student in literature trying to decipher literary texts. Or maybe it’s related to my spiritual belief that everything has meaning. And, oh yeah, it can drive Ms. MMK crazy.

Whatever the reason, I still can’t spell receive.

And these days I feel needy. I need to be given something.  I need to receive. It’s not easy for me to admit that. It’s damn uncomfortable. But it’s true.

This venturing out to do my own thing has challenged me on many levels. I’m up for the challenge. I am. However, being up for the challenge still means that it is a challenge. Really. Some seem to think merely acknowledging something is a challenge is equivalent to overcoming that challenge. It ain’t!

I spend time each day sending out résumés and queries, after scanning websites and job listings. I’ve heard back from few of the recipients. Yet, everyone tells me to have patience.  I even tell myself that. After all, this is what one goes through when changing jobs. It’s part of the drill.

But patience is one of those challenges I face. I see my savings shrinking and bills still coming in. I bite my lips, sigh, and try and think of something else. Anything else. I knew this process would be a process and take time. I really did. I didn’t expect clients to fall at my feet when I announced I was open. Wouldn’t that have been nice?

So, I continue to send out résumés and queries. I want something, and I’m needy. I need to receive.

Hey, I spelled receive correctly at least twice while writing this post. Maybe, I’m on to something. I’m ready to ask and receive.

Pic is courtesy of Google Images