Who Else Wore My Bathing Suit?

My new bathing suit.

My new bathing suit.

I’m not a prude or a germaphobe.

Okay, I wash my hands often. So what. Something wrong with clean hands?

And yes I like the house to be clean. Spotless would be nice. But I have two children whom I have grown to like. I’ve chosen them over cleanliness.

Let me rewind. The plan was to visit my mom and spend the Sabbath with her. We would leave Sunday morning sans BR our 9-year-old, who is staying with my mom for a few days.

Sunday morning came, and we were ready to leave. However, SJ our 6.5-year-old had other plans. He insisted we stay and go into the pool at my mom’s condominium.

Okay, okay. Fine. One problem. I didn’t bring a bathing suit. “We can buy you a bathing suit,” said Ms. MMK. I grimaced. Please no.  Don’t make me go shopping now. “Didn’t you say you need a new bathing suit?”

I sighed. I was ready to argue.

“Come on. We can go to Target. I want to get some Advil. I have a headache. I don’t feel good,” said Ms. MMK.

Crap. I couldn’t argue with that. So, off to Target we went.


We got to the store and found the men’s swimwear section. SIDE NOTE: My wife seemed just fine in the store. Shopping seemed to temporarily remove her pain.

Anyway, I quickly picked two bathing suits off the rack that I liked. Hi ho, hi ho. Off to the fitting room I go. Try on, pick one, pay, and go. Keep it moving.

I found the fitting room. Once there, I quickly took off my shoes, socks, and pants. Then, I paused looking at myself while standing in my underwear.  I stared at the two bathing suits hanging on hangers right in front of me.


Dilemma. I could try the bathing suits on while wearing my underwear. Would this give me a true sense of how they fit? After all, who the heck wears their underwear under a bathing suit?

So, what’s the problem, you may be wondering. If I tried on the bathing suit sans underwear, it would be right on my body.

I wasn’t worried about my body. What about the other men who tried on on these bathing suits? Were they diseased? Moist? Ooh!

After a moment of deliberations and a quick inspection of the bathing suites, I decided to take off my underwear. See, I told you I wasn’t a prude. Anyway I tried on  those bathing suits as fast as possible. I almost fell as I yanked off the second bathing suit.

When, I walked out of the fitting room, my wife asked, “So, are you going to take one?”

“Yeah I’ll take this one (showing her the bathing suit I selected). I’m not trying on another one.”

Next time – I’m shopping online!

P.S. Am I the only one who thinks like this?


My wife and I made it out to the movies. Thanks for babysitting mom.

Anyway, you need to go see “The Way Way Back.” It was the best movie I have seen in a while.  The dialogue was snappy and believable, the acting was great, and the story was absorbing.

34 thoughts on “Who Else Wore My Bathing Suit?

  1. I give you props for even trying it on! I hate shopping. I actually bought a new swimsuit this summer at Target too and just bought it without trying it on because I hate all the rigamarole! I don’t think I ever would have thought about getting someone’s germs but you’re probably right! Now I will probably be an online shopper too since I hate going to stores anyway!

    • I hope props is all I get from trying it on.
      Did your new bathing suit fit? Living on the edge there by not trying it on.

  2. Hilarious. 🙂 It freaks me out too. In fact, I usually leave underwear on until after I’ve washed the swimsuit. It’s hard to tell what it will really look like/fit with underwear on though. I do have to remove the bra though. Even THAT freaks me out.

    • I am glad it made you laugh. I always feel good when that happens.
      I also appreciate knowing that I am not the only wacky person. Wacky loves company.

  3. There is no way I would try on a bathing suit without my underwear. You can’t pay me enough. Nope, nope, nope. Of course, down here, we are in our suits so much, most of the men wear underwear with theirs, it helps prevent the chafing that occurs due to the netting in yours. But, again, we spend the day in ours in and out of water, in and out of the boat, etc., so chafing is a bad thing!

    • I knew I should not have done it. I was in a rush, I wasn’t thinking straight. I am not so weird – really.
      In terms of men chafing – TMI, Kate, TMI.

  4. Unless you are buying speedos (which if you do let me know when the next time youll be at the pool ILL STAY HOME ) i think you can get a fit if you try them on with underwear, they may end up a bit bigger then you thought but nothing horrible

  5. ha!ha! funny post Larry 🙂 I’m sitting and still laughing about it! I can’t try mine without an underwear, I got one this year too and thought of the same things you did, so I tried it with underwear, bought it and washed it ha!ha! 🙂 btw, like your wife my ‘migraines/headaches’ disappear when shopping, once I’m out of the stores the headache comes back (hubby says he doesn’t believe me) ha!ha! 🙂 glad you guys had a great weekend!

    • Thanks.
      I think I should have followed your example.
      You and my wife are clearly cut from the same mold when it comes to shopping. Shopping cures your woes.

    • Thanks. I am waiting for someone to comment on me nearly falling over while taking off the bathing suit. I would have laughed at myself.

  6. So funny! Great image of you in the Target changing room. I bet the security peeps got a good laugh at that video! 😉 I refuse to try on bathing suits at all. I’ll walk into a store with hundreds of them, take a quick look around and decide there’s nothing suitable for me. That’s why I wear the same stretched out bathing suit I’ve had for years. You’re braver than you know, Larry!!

    • Oh man, I didn’t even think of the security people watching it. Now, I feel even worse. You stinker!
      Braver – no. Dumber is more like it.

  7. Well, Larry my friend. I always keep my underwear ON when trying out a new bathing suit. Congrats to you for managing to overcome your yucky side and try them on anyway! Lesson learned & no harm done.
    By the way, I wash my hands something like 258 times a day.

    • The more responses I get the more I dumb I realize I was. I hope I don’t get diseased.
      258 times – wow! You Ms., are definitely a germaphobe.

  8. The image of you trying to decide what to do in the changing room is just too funny! I’m guessing you’re probably the only one who tried it on sans underpants so you’re definitely safe in that regards.

    • Glad it made you laugh. I think what you are trying to say but are avoiding out of kindness is that I am the only fool. What was I thinking?

  9. I’m with all the other folks … bathing suit fittings require underwear because, yeah, what if you don’t buy it? Now you’re the one who added to the germs in the suit. You’re a brave man Larry to do that in Target, a brave man 🙂

  10. You’ve never heard of retail therapy? It’s the cure-all for everything!! Or so they say, it doesn’t really help with social anxiety, because it usually involves dealing with people. I prefer online shopping anymore.
    Always, always, leave on the underwear for swimsuits trials. Always.

  11. I guess that there must be others who would rather order clothes online. I personally like to try things on, before I buy. It could be the age difference!

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