Who Did I Sleep with Last Night?

Seth Rogen

Seth Rogen – that guy always makes me laugh.
Courtesy of PhotoPin.com

I know that sentence could be part of a movie where guys are all called dude and they are comfortable at the frat house getting drunk on beer. Of course, Seth Rogen would have a role in it.

By the way, as you well know, I am married. I also know that adultery is right up there in on the Mount Rushmore of sins. And I don’t believe in the Dick Van Dyke separate bedrooms for spouses kind of thing.

However, I still want to know who slept in my bed last night?

My boys are not babies. 7 and 9 they are. They are generally happy, energetic, wild, and crazy. Yup. Normal that is.

BR, my 9-year-old can sleep through a storm. Really.  He woke up refreshed the night we were huddled in the basement as Hurricane Sandy bore down on our area.

However, putting him to sleep is another story. It can be a process.  Well, at least we get to have some bonding time.

SJ actually tells us he is ready to go bed. How beautiful is that?

By 10:00 P.M., my house is essentially a kid free zone.  My wife and I are free to do adults things – Whether its watch tv, go on the computer, have a conversation (nice to practice that fine art without interruption), or something more exciting – without interruption.

It’s the down time that everyone – especially crazed parents – need at the end of the day.

Except for some business trips, my wife and I have start every night together in the same bedroom.

Yet, over the past two weeks something has changed.

Morning comes. The alarm rings. I turn and my wife is gone.

Dun, dun, dun. Where has she gone?

Before I can say Perry Mason, I realize I have someone else in my bed.

No, it’s nothing like that. Come on now people, where are your minds? You really need to watch less cable.

Anyway, there’s bulge in the covers at the base of the bed. Or there’s a head leaning on my elbow. Or my blanket is in a jumble.

Who is behind all this nocturnal activity?

Yup, of course you know. It’s my offspring, fruit of my loins, and the cause of my baldness.

The boys have snuck into our bedrooms more often the last couple of weeks than Romeo went to meet Juliet.

Seriously, I think we should have a sign in book at the door to trace the activities.

Regarding these nocturnal visits, there are two huge differences between my wife and I.

First as you noted, I am still waking up in my bed.  A wrecking ball would have to smash through our bedroom window before I am giving up my bed. I need my sleep.

The second thing you may have noted is that I don’t discover we have guests until the next morning. My wife who falls asleep faster than Usain Bolt runs the 100 meters wakes up nearly as easily. “Did a feather just fall?”

Yes, the boys have woken me up a few times over the last couple of weeks and many more over the years. However, I don’t get up.

And yes, I did suck during those years when babies have to be fed during the middle of the night. I’ll take the mid-day feeding thank you very much.

I hope this phase is nearly over and the boys will spend the entire night in their bed. It’s best for them, my wife and me.

Oh yeah, to answer the burning question, my wife gets up and goes to sleep in one of the boy’s bedrooms.  Ain’t that a shame that she has to get up in the middle of the night.

Come to think of it, with a bed of her own, she might be the smartest one of the bunch.

18 thoughts on “Who Did I Sleep with Last Night?

  1. Oh…it sounds oh-so-familiar. Recently N. was gone for a business trip and Yiannis suggested he should take his place for a couple of nights instead of waking me up in the middle of the night. I refused and thankfully he accepted!

  2. Once again I’d like to offer to mail you our cat. Because if your night is full already, you might as well have our cat to complete the picture.

    He wakes us up at 12:30 and 4:11 to go outside.
    He jumps at our kids’ toes and pretends to be hunting moles (we assume) at 3:05.
    He demands breakfast as soon as the alarm goes off at 5:45.

    If you take him, then our family can sleep in peace! 🙂

  3. Oh my goodness! I think Mrs. MMK has the right idea to go grab the empty bed! It doesn’t solve the problem, but at least she’ll get some sleep!

  4. First let me say, well that sucks. Secondly … you guys need to get serious and nip this one in the bud. I know your wife would rather sleep by moving into the other room, but she and YOU need to take turns taking him back into his bed. The more you let you this go, the harder it’ll be to break this habit. It’s time to go Supernanny on this problem. You may have a couple of nights of non-sleep but once you get them back into their beds. you’ll be able to wake up with just your wife next to you again 🙂

    • Yes, you are right. I know. The boys both seem to go through this whenever they are nervous about something. BR has already stopped again – after a little talk. SJ has a part in the school show that is weighing on him and therefore us. Either way, you’re right it has to be both of us.

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