Communication is the key to all relationships including marriage. I believe I am a good communicator. As I told you previously, I like to ask questions (https://larrydbernstein.com/questions-questions/), am a curious type, and sensitive, which you have probably noted from reading this blog.
So, you’d think I’d have the marriage thing down – right? I’m good with the children, willing to clean, and arguably handsome. And I am a willing and skilled communicator.
Sounds good doesn’t it? Alas, I am sorry to say there are some challenges in our dream world. Like all of you, I am very busy and strive to keep on a schedule in order to get things accomplished. So, my time for communication is limited. Even when it comes to my wife and children.
Now, if emergencies come up – BR is attempting to maim SJ, or SJ can not find the remote (he would definitely define that as an emergency), or my wife is considering ripping the eyes out of my son’s teacher – I make time. However, I try diligently to keep on a schedule and handle things in their proper time.
You can respect that – right? After all, it does make sense and permit for productivity. Generally this system works but lately a flaw has become more and more of an issue.
I tend to go to bed late – 11:30 pm — and wake up early — 5:30 am. Yadda, yadda, yadda, such is life. My wife, on the other hand, tends to complete her routine a bit earlier than me and likes to end her night by watching television in our room. She’ll decompress in front of the television and ready herself to ease into a night of sleep (or at least pray that neither child wakes up and both sleep past 5).
By the time, I do my night time rituals – wash, brush, pray, etc. my wife is comfortable in bed and ready to turn off the light. She is tired from her long day and hoping to meet the sandman. I, however, am still revved up. And I want to talk (or other things, but let’s keep this rated PG). I want to communicate. I want to share. I want to listen. My wife reminds me, “I wanted to talk to you two hours ago, but you said you had work to do.” She’s right but that doesn’t change the fact I have now morphed into the great communicator.
So, these days half of our conversations take place while my wife is on the verge of sleep. The conversation ends when she stops replying, and I hear her snores. Hmm, not such great communication is it? Well, at least we have date night.
Oooh, I so get this, Larry. I’m more like you and my husband is more like your wife. Thank god for date night! I’m not sure when to fit in all this communication but I know everything in our family runs smoother when my husband and I are connected (and the remote is right where I left it!). Great post!
More like me – I’m not sure who I feel more sorry for you – your husband or you.
Anyway, I knew there was a reason why I liked you.
Thanks for the comments.
At least you know where you stand when you hear the snores!! 😉
Ouch. I suppose you’re right.
I guarantee I am worse than you, and my boyfriend is worse than me, but that doesn’t help, does it? I’m glad you have date night. 🙂
So nice to hear from you again.
If you both are worse – how do you actually talk.
You better have date night!
comically true. I was an early morning person as were my 5AM children my hubby a night person. I ended up burning the candle at both ends for 25 years. It all works out in the end but….i have to say I am sure I snored!
Unfortunately, I am doing the burning on both ends at this point. It is challenging. Any tips on how to get through?
My husband and I have the same problem. I’m up and want to talk about my day and this and that, but he’s already asleep having fallen asleep 15 minutes into whatever show we were watching even though he swore he’d stay awake. It’s hard being on opposite schedules. And now being so far apart it makes communication harder. We still chat throughout the day at work like we always did, but when I skype in the morning and night its just with the kids because he’s making lunches or dinner and getting everyone ready.
Is there a way for you guys to talk during the day? At lunch time or some other both parties are awake time?
Everyone is going so fast these days. We live in a challenging age.
Anyway, we do talk during the day. However, at night is when I am ready to have those deeper more meaningful conversations where face to face is preferred.
My husband is definitely more like you and me like your wife.. If you guys would just do what we ask (come to bed early) then all of your dreams will come true – even the non-pg ones! 😀
Ohh baby – don’t tease me!
This sounds exactly like nighttime at our house!! I have tried to have conversations with my husband when he gets home from work but he needs to decompress after his long work day but he is always willing to have deep meaningful conversations at 10pm when I am absolutely exhausted! This past weekend we had date night and we shoved about 2 months of conversation into 1 night!!
Yes, exactly. I mean we talk. But those conversations that require more thought, etc. are hard to find time for.
I hope it was a good date and included more than just talking.
Yet another reason why I’m so happily single! Everyone in my life knows my hours of operation – most of them respect it – and I’m good! 🙂
Just FYI, cause you’re awesome about checking, Lee is in the ICU. He went in Sunday night due to trouble breathing, low BP and severe pain. They have finally determined it is his gallbladder, and it has to be removed. It will take about 3 days to get him stable enough to handle the surgery. So, I’m headed to ICU this morning to sit with him for a bit. Take care!
Thanks for updating me on Lee. I am sorry to hear he is in ICU. I hope the surgery can go off as schedulded. So many twists and turns – must be hard him and all of you. How does this affect the big picture?
good question. We don’t have an answer to that, yet.
We all have so many words to use up each day, and you happen to use yours at night. Eric used to be just like you, but now that he gets up early he’s too tired to talk my ear off as I’m falling asleep. 🙂
I get up early too – the middle of the day is when I am tired.
Anyway, so when do you guys talk now?
We don’t talk, we mystically understand one another’s facial expressions. When that doesn’t work, we usually talk one another’s ears off right after he gets home from work. 🙂
Oh, and we text each other all day.
Wow – amazing!
Texting is the way you communicate – oh that so teen. There is only so much patience I have for texting.
Communication issues do carry on for years. Even though I spend my life around writing, words can escape me when I want to have a discussion with my husband. It’s never the right time and when we match up our moments the thoughts don’t roll out as planned. Then there is the issue that I’m the early riser in our family…suddenly filled with so much to talk about but there he is sleeping away. When I trying to steal time to enjoy books I have constantly lined up to enjoy…you guessed it, he now has time to talk. Life is fun…even in the quiet.
Yes it is. However, finding a good time to talk about it with your spouse would add to that fun.\
I have to be in the right mood to have a conversation. That mood tends to strike at night. I don’t like to rush my conversations.
OK! My husband is like your wife and I am like you! 🙂 When he comes back from work, he takes Nate with him and he is in the mood to talk about his day but I’m drained of the long day I’ve had and just feel like having a couple of minutes to myself (cleaning/laundry/blogging/etc.) and when we put Nate to bed and he’s asleep that’s when I feel like talking but hubby is snoring before I even get a chance to say something 😉 (we’ve had fights in the past because of this!) … glad to hear you guys have “date night” We are not there yet! (when we have had one in the past, the one main subject of our conversation was; NATE)
I’d like to tell you that we focus on each other on our date nights and don’t bother with the children. That would be a lie. However, we do find some time and space for ourselves and don’t have to feel rushed. That’s a good thing.
You need to get into the date night routine soon!
🙂 ha!ha! this must happen to many parents! 🙂 as for “date night” maybe when he will turn “2” in May ! YAY! 🙂
I think it does.
Date nights are important in every relationship. Even more when kids are around, so I’ve heard. 🙂
Yes, Raani they sure are.
Yup, that is about the same around here too. It is hard to find the time, when both people, have the energy and are in that mindset to want to talk (or do other things that make this not PG). Husband and I chat in front of the tv after the boys are in bed and before I turn into a pumpkin (I am not a night owl). Sometimes we have a few minutes over that morning cup of coffee before the kids wake up. Date nights are a wonderful thing!
Yeah – that mindset thing is important. There are times when I just don’t feel like talking and then there are times when the rugrats are around and you need to talk about them.
Ha ha, that’s funny. I find that jus before I go to sleep is the best time to talk as well. Unfortunately when the other half is asleep it does make things more difficult 🙂
SO true Elske. Though our spouses may be more agreeable then.
Hard for me to comment on this one as its really just me and Jake. When he goes to bed, I have my time and that generally doesn’t include talking on the phone to anyone. What if you guys talked during dinner? You could make a little mini-date night every night over dinner?
During the week, we don’t eat dinner together just a couple of days a week. Truthfully, I tend to exaggerate in my posts a bit. It’s not like we don’t talk. I mean the bigger heavier stuff that you need to work up to. Know what I mean?
I don’t know, that might be a good time to get her to agree to things that she might not otherwise agree to – say, a large purchase. This could be to your benefit.
I like the way you think.
Haha, I can so associate with your wife on this one! For the record, my hubby also classes losing the remote control as a full scale emergency, you should see his tantrums! 😉
It’s as if no one remembers life before the remote. We go running looking for it. WHile running, we go right past the tv where we could actually change the channel.
Well done, Larry! Maybe the most important thing about communicating is to keep trying, keep talking, keep listening. That’s you. 🙂 But, I’m on your wife’s side – you just need to move it up a couple of hours.
You women – stick together. I get it, and that is cool.
Thanks for your comment.
I used to do the same thing to my husband. I’m a night owl with a flexible work schedule, so, unless the kids need to be somewhere first thing in the morning (and they don’t, usually), I stay up late. My husband retires early and rises early. Sometimes he’ll still be awake when I come to bed and that’s when I want to talk. Most nights he just fakes sleep when he hears me coming. He thinks I don’t know. 😉
That’s funny. I always ask my wife, “are you awake?” Who knows maybe she is faking sleep also. I never even thought of that.