Suffocating My Wife

My wife and I had our first date in early November. We went out a few times and then broke up. A month later we got back together, and by August, we were engaged. We were married in January or 14 months after we first met. Some might say that’s fast others wondered what took so long. Regardless of where you stand, there are some things we did not know about each other till we got married.


I am not a cook. I am a defroster, boiler, microwaver. In other words, I can get something on the table, but the closest I get to homemade is spelling it. My wife on the other hand is a very good cook. She cooked for me before we were married. However, it was different then. It was on an occasional basis, the crush of everyday life was not upon us, and she was still trying to impress me. Now, two kids are whining, the guests will be here in an hour, and she’s working on little sleep – well, she can still whip up a delicious meal. Yes, my wife can cook.
Chalk cooking up as a pleasant surprise.
Unfortunately, I have discovered some unpleasant things as well.
My wife snores. Now, some nights she just breathes loudly and other nights it’s as if she is campaigning to join the Three Stooges. You would think I would be used to it as we are married over 11 years now.  I’m not. Unless, I am totally exhausted, I need quiet when I go to sleep. So, what’s a tired guy to do?
Courtesy of GoogleThe poor guy - I empathize!

Courtesy of Google
The poor guy – I empathize!

Now, you would think I would just go to sleep before her. However, it rarely works out that way, and I as I told you I tend to be more alert at bed time than my wife ( So, that’s out. What can I do?


I could just grin and bear it. Nah – I got to be me.
First, I try shushing my wife. The snores get louder and I call out “shhhhh.” Believe it or not this works sometimes. Well, a snore or two is quieter.
Step two is pulling the blanket over my head. I don’t mind doing this in the winter. However, it doesn’t really help as the snores penetrate my blanket shield.
Third, I put a pillow over my ears. Nope same issue as the blanket.
Next, I get a bit pushy. I give my wife a gentle shove. I figure maybe if she readjusts then the snores may stop. Rarely works.
At this point, I am getting frustrated. The night time is slipping away. And I imagine myself having a sleepless night.  Then, I have to go to work exhausted and have a rotten day. Then my imagination really takes off: I get fired, develop a disease, and start World War III. OMG – I have to sleep. The snoring must stop.
I pull out the big guns.


I put a pillow over my wife’s face – gently. Or I pull a blanket all the way up so that it covers her face – leaving room for air of course. I don’t want to suffocate her. She doesn’t see it this way. Recently, I woke her up when attempting to quiet the snoring.
“What are you doing?”
“What are you trying to suffocate me?”
“No, it’s just you were snoring and I couldn’t sleep and…”
“I have a cold. Do you mind?”
“Well, actually…” I am ready to explain that she sometimes snores even without a cold. But I recognize it is not the time to argue. “Sorry.”
She doesn’t answer. And in a couple of minutes the snoring continues, but its quieter now.
Maybe, the fear of being suffocated has somehow caused my wife to turn down her snoring. I would never do it you know – suffocate her that is. But I am thankful the threat of it has quieted her. After all, I need my sleep. Who wants World War III?

I’m Not Si..

“Feel my head.”


“Just feel my head.”

“You’re cool.”

“Well, of course I am. But do you think I have temperature?”

“No.” Not even a smile or a ha ha.

It has been a long week! My older son, BR, ran a high fever on Sunday, threw up, and – well, that’s enough. You get the point.  Though he returned to school on Wednesday, he has been a bit lackluster all week. While it is nice to have him off his normal hyped up pace, I prefer it not be due to sickness. In addition, my wife has been dealing with a cold. Thankfully, SJ has been fine.

And then there’s me.

I’ve been si…

I’ve been si…

I can’t say it. No, make that, I won’t say it.  I am not a good patient, as you probably realized from an earlier post ( However, I am even worse when it comes to admitting that I am – don’t make me say it. There’s that word again. Sick.

Growing up, “Family Ties” was one of my favorite television shows. I recall an episode where Steven – the father, played by Michael Gross – refuses to admit that he is, you know. He says you can’t give in to it and he refuses to make his body a home for germs. I am with him on this. By the way, I have searched for and watched the episode as part of my research for this post. The things I must go through.

Family Ties Cast

Family Ties Cast

Now, if I could just have temperature. Even 99.0, well then, I could say it, admit it. Instead, I have a nasty cough, chest pain, and runny nose. But I am not si… No, no, no. I am not feeling great. I’m a little under the weather. I could be better.

So, this week, I made it to work all five days. I stood in front of my students, taught lessons, and graded papers. Some days, I was more effective than others. Anyway, I am glad the weekend is here. I need to rest. I hate being sick.

Thanks For Hosting

Just a quick note.  Recently, my blogger friend Penney was gracious enough to be a guest here on Me Myself and Kids. She wrote about the impact the Connecticut Tragedy has had on her (

Today I am honored to be Penney’s guest over at her blog Authentic Life Journeys. I go off a bit on jobs SJ will never have. I hope it will provide you a couple of laughs. Check out My Son’s Future Calling: Guest Post for Authentic Life Journeys

The Afternoon Show

As a child, I loved the Three Stooges. I laughed at their slapstick humor. Because I was such a big fan, I read a book about them. While reading the book, I learned that they first began on Vaudeville. For those who don’t know what Vaudeville is as I did not know when I first read it, here is the definition according to

a theatrical genre of variety entertainment popular in the United States and Canada from the early 1880s until the early 1930s. Each performance was made up of a series of separate, unrelated acts grouped together on a common bill. Types of acts included popular and classical musicians, dancers, comedians, trained animals, magicians, female and male impersonators, acrobats, illustrated songs, jugglers, one-act plays or scenes from plays, athletes, lecturing celebrities, minstrels, and movies.

    The Three Stooges Courtesy of

The Three Stooges Courtesy of

I recently wrote about my commute to work ( which includes a ride on a New York City Subway Train.  At the early hour of 6:45, the ride to work is generally sleepy save for a few odd characters.  The ride home on the other hand is much more lively and crowded.

I typically board the A train in the East New York section of Brooklyn at around 2:45. I find a seat and start off with something to read. Typically my reading time is cut short as my eyes get heavy, and out I go. I am traveling through neighborhoods where it would be wise to keep my eyes open and be alert.  Thankfully, nothing has ever happened to me during my naps. By the way, some of the naps have been so sound that I when I wake up, I forget if I am going or coming to work.

When I am awake, I am often treated to a show whose only ticket required is a seat on the train. Now, the performances are very uneven, but I suppose, as they say, you get what you pay for.

I have heard many different musical performances from rap to gospel to R&B to reggae. Some of those performances inspire the line from Billy Joe’s Piano Man – “Man, what are you doin’ here?” and others leave me looking for the gong (remember the Gong Show) to end the performance.

The Gong ShowCourtesy of

The Gong Show
Courtesy of

Is comedy your thing? There is one homeless comedian who I have heard on and off during my commute for many years. He has some funny lines, but many of them have not changed since the first time I heard him. He always ends by asking passengers to clean up as one would expect him to clean up if he visited their house.

Then, you have the fights. Some are verbal and some are physical. While some are into boxing, it is not my style. I worry the fight will turn deadly violent. The vocabulary used during the verbal fights would make a jailor blush.

Then, there is dancing. There are some dancers who could dominate Dancing With the Stars while others look like they are stumbling off a bar post rather than dancing. Every performance ends with a handout and a request for generosity.

Dancing With the Stars Courtesy of

Dancing With the Stars Courtesy of

Of course like any show, there needs to be snacks. Don’t fear there are candy men  regularly walking through the train selling Famous Amos Cookies, Fruit Snacks, and Nature Valley Granola Bars (you know how I feel about those). These guys always have some sort of rap that includes them saying they are selling the candy to make an honest dollar.

Now, there are more types that appear on the train – beggars, fortune tellers, preachers, jugglers, and more.

In truth there are plenty of days when the ride home is pretty quiet save the music from the mp3players, loud and excited school kids, and business men in suits. However, you never know when a show will break out. Vaudeville lives.