My children are dumb. You heard me. I am tired of mincing words, softening the blow. Dumb! That’s what they are.
Caring, diligent, patient, faithful. These are the types of traits I want for my children. Give me a little while and I can come up with many more. I bet you can do the same for your children.
However, my children are dumb. And I am guessing your children are dumb too. Don’t huff away or curse me. Hear me out.
Let me provide you with a sample conversation that proves my point.
“BR, come here.”
“What?”
“Shh, quietly. I got to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“I said quietly.”
“What?”
“Come here.”
“There’s only one chocolate left. Eat it now before SJ comes down.”
“Ok. Thanks.”
A minute later the chocolate is gone. BR goes upstairs and finds SJ happily watching cartoons in my room (SJ spends time in there than my and I but that’s another story).
“SJ. I just had the last chocolate. Daddy gave it to me.” (Best if read in a mocking voice).
“What? That’s not fair! Daddy!”
I come up the stairs. “What is it? What’s up SJ?”
“Why did you give BR a chocolate and not me? That’s not fair.”
If looks could wound, BR would be on the ground in some pain. “Why did you tell him that after I told you not to?”
“I don’t know.” He is not contrite in the least.
“SJ – I gave you one yesterday. Don’t you remember?” This does not soothe him. Now BR is upset because he did not get one the day before. He conveniently forgets the other treat he got.
Don’t think this is a one kid show.
“Yes, SJ you can stay up a little late to watch the end of your show. Just don’t go downstairs and mention it to BR.”
A couple of minutes pass and SJ is making one of his thunderous trips to the bathroom. BR hears the trip and comes running up the steps.
“Why is he still awake?”
“Daddy said I can stay up late and watch the end of Doc McStuffins.” (Best if read in a mocking voice).
The argument ensues.
One more example.
“Okay guys. We can start homework later. Let’s not advertise.”
SJ is unclear of my instructions. “What’s advertise mean?”
“Don’t tell mommy. It’s just between us. Both of you put a hand on top of mine. Remember, we’re a team. We’re a team. We’re aaaaaahhhh team.” Our hands going flying in the hair. “Now, remember don’t tell momny.”
My wife arrives home. Fifteen maybe 20 seconds pass before both children are spilling the beans. “Daddy said we could start homework late. Yeah, we just started a little while ago.”
I get a look from my wife. Uggh.
—
See, I told you my children are dumb. Sure, they read early, they are articulate, and they are inquisitive. However, they are dumb.
Can you imagine them being spies? Protecting state secrets, gathering information from a potential enemy? Remember the movie, Spies Like Us? They would make Ackroyd and Chase look like the best of the best.
See, I told you my children are dumb. Sure, they read early, they are articulate, and they are inquisitive. However, they are dumb.

Can you imagine them being spies? Protecting state secrets, gathering information from a potential enemy? Remember Spies like us? They would make Ackroyd and Chase look like the best of the best.

I think I know what the problem is. Why the heck do I keep telling them secrets expecting them to keep it? I know why. The apple doesn’t fall from the tree. I’m dumb too.