Who Else Wore My Bathing Suit?

My new bathing suit.

My new bathing suit.

I’m not a prude or a germaphobe.

Okay, I wash my hands often. So what. Something wrong with clean hands?

And yes I like the house to be clean. Spotless would be nice. But I have two children whom I have grown to like. I’ve chosen them over cleanliness.

Let me rewind. The plan was to visit my mom and spend the Sabbath with her. We would leave Sunday morning sans BR our 9-year-old, who is staying with my mom for a few days.

Sunday morning came, and we were ready to leave. However, SJ our 6.5-year-old had other plans. He insisted we stay and go into the pool at my mom’s condominium.

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It’s Me

Frustrated Man Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Frustrated Man Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve had better weekends.

It wasn’t the weather. It wasn’t the plans. It wasn’t the company.

It was me. I’d like to blame someone or something else. Yet, what good would that do?

Everybody and everything got on my nerves.

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Don’t Cry Over Spilled Soy Sauce: A tip for getting through the dating jungle

My guest today is Martin Perlin, a longtime lurker here at MeMyselfandKids. He came out of the shadows and lo and behold – the guy can write. Thanks for stepping up Martin.

Martin, originally from Seattle, Washington, is a husband and father of three living his dream in Raanana, Israel. Martin works in marketing. To clear his head and make sense of the world, he enjoys creative writing, building websites, and blogs on a number of different subjects. You can find his website at www.martinperlin.com and view his blog at noregrets.martinperlin.com

"Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net"

“Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”

I have a friend that would really like to get married. He’s over 30 and has had little dating experience. My friend decided he needed to get feedback on how to act on a date. So, he published an ad offering to take a woman out for dinner and pay for her transportation in exchange for her impressions on how he should act on a date. Someone answered his ad, and they arranged to meet at a restaurant. Unfortunately, the restaurant had closed down a few years before. This just goes to show how long he’d been out of the field. Anyway, he found another restaurant to take his date.

When I started my own dating process, I didn’t think that I would have to sift through dates with over 90 women to find my wife. I thought the process could be streamlined, and made efficient. I looked for ways to perfect the impression that I made. I had dating down to a science, with a thorough cheklist: Shower, shave, brush teeth, floss, mouthwash, deoderant, aftershave, ironshirt, comb hair, zip fly shut, wash car, vaccuum car, choose car music, and get cash. I carefully considered the venue, trying to keep a variety of options available, so as not to repeatedly end up at the same café.  I didn’t want the wait staff to recognize me. Well, I repeated this routine for nearly 9 years in what became a regiment of dating, like suiting up for a military drill.

By the time I met my wife, I was really tired of dating, and had to muster up enthusiasm to meet yet another girl. I stopped thinking about my checklist items and didn’t worry so much about the impression I was making. No, I didn’t let myself slide into a slovenly heap – unshaven, not showered, with a wrinkled shirt – but I just went with the flow.

On my first date with the woman that is now my wife of eleven years, I didn’t even check if I had enough cash. As chance would have it, the beach front cafe where we sat to talk didn’t take credit cards for small purchases (we only had two drinks).  Without even breaking a sweat, I offered to wash dishes at the cafe to pay off my bill. My date tried looking on in good humor, but was consumed by embarrassment. I dug through my wallet and pulled out every spare piece of change I could find. In the end, I found enough small change to pay, and we left. Although my wife would tell you now that she was a bit skeptical of me, she was actually impressed at how I took a seemingly natural approach to this situation, lacking any shame at being unconventional.

Following up after his date, my friend related to me how it went saying “I should have been more careful with the soy sauce and not spilled it on my shirt.”

Overall the date went well, and the girl was pleasant and seemed to enjoy the time she spent with him. She only noted to him that taking leftovers from dinner to give to a homeless guy might not come across well with most girls he meets, and that he should check to make sure that the restaurant they meet at is still opened.

I wanted to tell my friend that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, and not go into ‘dating training’ like he is climbing the corporate ladder. It’s not a job interview where you have 20 minutes and a resume to try and convince someone that you are the best person for the job. I wanted to let him know that just as I have valued him as friend over the years, that he really has a lot to offer a special woman. He probably doesn’t even realize that his clumsiness and ability to end up in comic situations holds charm and makes him endearing. If you want to appear to be someone else for your date, then you should actually become someone else completely. I’ve learned from dating that the most important thing is that being yourself can make the best impression of all.

So in conclusion, you should know, don’t cry over spilled soy sauce.

Why This Middle Aged Man Loves Summer Camp


BR & SJ headed off to camp. Yes, I gave them a ride.

BR & SJ headed off to camp.
Yes, I gave them a ride.

I love Summer Camp. I am in my early 40’s, and I love Summer Camp. It is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

Summer Camp is:

boys out of the house early.

boys staying out of the house for hours at a time.

boys coming home tired.

boys having no homework.

Yes, Summer Camp is awesome!

In fact, Summer Camp is my ticket to heaven on Earth. I get to hang out on a deserted island. Deserted of people that is. I am home alone (by the way, I recently watched those movies with my boys, and we loved them).

Movie Poster courtesy of Google.

Movie Poster courtesy of Google.

For the record, I do love my family and enjoy spending time with them. Well most of the time I love them, but that’s another story. Anyway, I am a subscriber to absence makes the heart grow fonder, distance is a good thing. There is truth in those sayings. You may be thinking what does Mrs. MMK think about this? She is not offended at all. She is the same way – loves to have some space.

Anyway, I never get the house to myself. In fact, if you added up all the time I was home alone from September till June, it would come out to 92 minutes and 23 seconds. Or something like that.

So, what do I do when I am home alone? Whatever I want! Well, I’m not too crazy these days, and I have a plethora of goals to accomplish this summer. Still, I find time to do what I want. Want to hear what I did during my alone time? Hold tight cause here I go:

1.       I went to the bathroom and left the door open. My wife hates when I do this.  Sometimes, I actually leave the door open when she is home figuring that she won’t be coming up the stairs anyway. I can’t tell you how many times I had to quickly shuffle over and shut the door so my wife does not see me committing this cardinal offense.

2.       I watched a full episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Yeah, I know the show has been off the air for eight years already. But I like it and besides, I never saw this episode. It’s called Blabbermouths and the characters gossip about each other. It was entertaining and educational. I laughed loudly and held the remote and no one cared.

3.       I ate lunch – slowly and care free. I did not think about getting drinks for anyone (I am referring to the children – no alcohol intended). I was unconcerned about what I ate, when I ate, and where I ate. I may not have even have used a plate. I don’t recall. And it doesn’t matter. Luxurious.

Okay, so it’s not quite Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear in an empty house. But there is plenty of Summer Camp left. And I am feeling pretty crazy.

Movie photo courtesy of Google.

Movie photo courtesy of Google.

You must love being home alone too – right? What crazy things do you do when you are home alone?