You Should Always Be Together

As they gathered around their aged and ailing mother, the sisters received a final piece of advice; you should always be together. The matriarch, my grandmother, my nanny, gave this directive to my mother and her sisters very shortly before her passing. This missive made a big impact on my mother and ultimately on us, her children. When it comes to her children, my mother is Perry Mason – never lost a case – always defends her clients. If I ever voice a complaint about my brothers, my mother will always end her impassioned defense with the following, “he means well.”  I shake my head and huff as I have not received my desired, “I understand.” My only comfort is that should one of them complain about me (yes, it is possible I have done wrong – hard as that may be to believe) they will receive the same response.

I always knew why my mother defended my siblings, but now as a parent, I understand. She wants us to get along, she wants us to be there for each other, she wants us to be friends.  When I see my two boys getting along and playing nicely with each other, I am thrilled and feel a sense of contentment – everything is right. No, it’s not just because I won’t have to hear whining or crying though that is an awesome benefit. I want them to be friends. I want them to build those bonds when they are young and for those bonds to grow as they get older.  Don’t we all want our children to be best friends with each other?

BR, my 8 year-old, is very much a big brother. He is dominant and can be moody – sometimes angry though more often generous and curious. SY, my 5 year-old who can be a bit whiny, is for the most part compliant and pleasant. SY will follow his brother pretty much anywhere, “I’ll do anything you want to do BR.”  He sits next to his big brother while BR plays computer games and cheers for him. If my wife or I call to BR for something which disturbs his all important video game, it is SY that tends to get angrier than BR (could just be that BR is much more adept at tuning his parents out) and tells us that BR is in the middle of a game. By the way, SY never even bothers playing the game.  The other day I asked BR do you ever let your little brother play. He said, “no, he never asks to play.”

“Do you ever ask him?”

He turned to him, “SY, do you want to play?”

“No, I just want to watch you.”

“See,” BR calls to me, “he doesn’t want to play.”

Sure there are those moments when it is best for all parties to have BR and SY in separate rooms, each with their own toys and television. However, in general, the boys get along. Yet, when other children get in the mix, the brotherly love often seems to fade into the background.  All of a sudden, they don’t have time for each other or don’t even want the other around. It is those times when the boys are part of a larger group that I as a parent want them to be there for each other even more. My wife and I have given both boys, particularly BR who is more capable of understanding, the lesson about having each other’s back. “Look out for each other,” we counsel.

I hope that the friendship that they already have for one another will continue to grow as they do. I hope that my wife and I have produced best friends or at least brothers who remember there is nothing like family. I wish that they will do just as nanny said – you should always be together.

Sometime Shy

When I was in college, I used to be one of the guys that hung around the keg. It wasn’t because I was some crazy beer guzzling get out of my way must have beer now kind of guy. No. While I enjoyed the beer, the bigger reason for my chosen location was my shyness and hanging by the keg allowed for easy conversation and generally happy people. I have always considered myself shy and still do to this day. It’s not one of my traits I am particularly proud of and it’s not easily changed. So, when people used to give advice, “Just go say hi to her,” it was not so simple.

I believe in irony. I think G-d has a devilish sense of humor (ironic – huh). The irony is that as a blogger I put personal information, thoughts, feelings etc. out in the blogosphere that anyone can see. In fact, the more people that see it, the happier I am (you have my full permission to forward this to someone else or to reblog it. Really, it’s fine. Go ahead.). I can’t tell you how many times I wrote something and my wife will say to me, “Are you sure you want to say that?” or a friend will say afterwards, “I don’t know if I would have shared that.” I just kind of smile and say, “Why not?” It’s not so personal. Yet, on the flip side there are plenty of people who I see whom I would never even have thought to have shared the information. It’s as if I have a different personality on line as compared to my ‘real life.’ I think this is true of many people – hiding in the virtual world.

All of this is a roundabout way of saying I was nominated for an award. I’d like to thank the academy. Actually, it’s not that award but instead is the Versatile Blogger award. I wonder about these awards. I keep seeing people get nominated but don’t know who is actually winning them and what that means. It seems more like a way for us bloggers to tell each other that we enjoy their blogs. I’m cool with that. Though again, I feel a little shy about being nominated. The rules include saying 7 things about myself — which I do with every entry — yet to say it here feels awkward. Man, I got issues. Anyway here goes:

1. I think peanut butter should be a separate food group.

2. I am a big Springsteen fan.

3. My favorite season is fall.

4. I can’t draw.

5. I wish I had a full head of hair.

6. I think the last episode of Seinfeld is underrated.

7. I take pride in my role as a father.

I hope you said the list quickly. Shy thing, you know. Anyway, it feels odd to try and find 7 things that somehow convey who I am. Alright, enough of this. Now, I would like to nominate 15 bloggers for the award – each of whom I enjoy reading. The first two are the bloggers who nominated me. Thanks Patricia and Raani.

1. patgarciabookreviews.wordpress.com

2. raaniyork.wordpress.com

3. robertjhorton.wordpress.com

4. allthingsboys.wordpress.com

5. linneann.wordpress.com

6. lostandforgotten.wordpress.com

7. emeraldpie.wordpress.com

8. perfectlyimperfectmomma.com

9. elskenewman.wordpress.com

10. dearoptimists.com

11. blog.shoesonthewrongfeet.com

12. momopause.wordpress.com

13. jessieclemence.com

14. somethinglikeaduck.wordpress.com

15. insanityofmotherhood.com

I hope to get much more practice getting nominated and receiving awards. I will have to come up with some catchy stories and be more magnaminous. Any tips anyone? I’m getting too old to stand by the keg.

 

Use the Quirk

Eating only the red m&m’s, never reading the last page of a book, washing your ears first, only wearing blue on Thursdays – we all have our quirks. Some quirks are truly interesting while others seem just plain odd. However, whatever the quirk is, they are one of the things that make us uniquely human.

My younger son (SY) is 5 ½ and has a few quirks. In fact, I would venture to say he may have a touch OCD. Remember the Helen Hunt, Jack Nicholson movie – As Good As it Gets? Nicholson’s character has OCD, and it is presented in a comical way. He has to have certain foods, the table needs to be set in a particular way, etc. Anyway, SY must close doors. It doesn’t matter what room he is in as long as the door is closed – other wise uncomfortable/bothered. If you are exiting a room, he will remind you to shut the door. In fact, it is not only the room he is in. If as he is walking to his bedroom, he sees the doors to the other bedrooms open, he will stop and shut them. This seems to have started a few months ago, and I have no idea why.

In lieu of this compulsiveness, I have an idea. Everything is for a reason, and we can make the best of each situation – lemons – lemonade. You know the deal. So, I want my boy to join me in the crusade to save the planet and along the way build up a trust account. Huh? You see I am the one in my family that goes into the empty rooms to turn off the lights or electronics that were left on. Others will walk out of the room and think nothing of leaving things on, so I have taken on the role of electric cop. I am looking to recruit SY. Why not be obsessive about something that is both environmentally friendly and cost-effective? Save money and the planet. Brilliant – wouldn’t you agree?

Look, I acknowledged recently that both of my children are going to end up on the psychologist’s sofa? So, why not harness the OCD in a productive way? Does anyone know how to make a child obsessed with turning off the lights? Behavioral chart anyone? What an original!

Guests at the Front Door

Some guests are invited and their arrival is planned for. Other guests – well, they just show up.
 
For 3 years straight, my family and I have been hosting an uninvited guest.  This guest comes to our home and stays for weeks at a time.  Not only that, this guest goes through a major life cycle event each visit.
 
Each spring the 7-foot bush that stands right next to our front door turns into a delivery ward as “Ladybird” (my children named her) builds her nest, lays her eggs, sits atop her eggs, hatches her babies, cares for her babies, and ultimately sends her babies away.  The whole process seems to take about six weeks.  This scene has served as an up-close Discovery Channel program for my family, and we love it.
 
With great excitement and anticipation, my children follow Ladybird and her flock (this year she laid three blue eggs). They peek their heads around to check out the progression of nature each time they pass the tree. Clearly, Ladybird did not select our house for the peace and quiet. My wife takes pictures of each stage. I give out cigars when the babies are born to celebrate the blessed day. Well, maybe not, but there is a palpable energy in our home when Ladybird’s chicks are hatched. This is the closest my wife and I will come to extending our family, and the closest my children get to a pet that isn’t swimming in a glass bowl.
 
I’m not sure how many more years Ladybird will be using our home as her nursery. This year Ladybird was later than usual. She also flew away anytime someone walked past her nest. This begs the question – where is her maternal instinct? Also, what about a father?  Would it kill him to stop hunting for worms and check up on his family?  
 
Well, I do not know much about birds and am not an animal person by nature. But Ladybird has become a part of my family experience, and taught us a bit about nature. We look forward to having her come back in the future, and the best part is we don’t have to prepare or clean up. What a guest!