Tag Archives: friends

An Outsider’s View of the Parental Life

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I feel blessed in many walks of my life. One such area that I am particularly fortunate is when it comes to friendship. Robert is a long-time friend. He draws, writes, and sings – a real renaissance man. He also designs Websites on the side. So when I decided to start a website, partially due to his urging, I knew he was the person who would be designing it. I’d like to thank him here for the design and encouragement. As I noted above, he likes to write, so I thought I’d give him some space to express his thoughts.

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When Larry asked me to contribute a guest post, I was surprised, then flattered…and then stuck. It’s true, like most of you reading, that I enjoy writing. But that’s where the similarity to most of you ends. You see, I’m not a stay-at-home mom, a mom struggling to balance work and home life, or a single mom. In fact, I’m neither a mom nor a dad, neither a wife nor a husband. Some of you may be wondering what I could possibly be (and maybe at least one of you is thinking out of the box and considering the possibility that I am a cat), so I’ll save you the time in guessing: I am in fact a man—of the unmarried and childless variety.

By telling you this, I realize I’ve placed myself outside the pale of this community. While most of you struggle with poopy diapers and terrible twos, and finding trustworthy babysitters and decent children’s TV shows,  I’m reading novels, taking art classes, running in weekend races, and going out to unhurried dinners with friends.

Usually at this point, people are developing one of two attitudes about me.

There are those, usually male, who envy me or feel some of kind of hostility. Maybe they got into the marriage and/or parent thing due to pressure from society or family or the existential need to leave something behind.  They wistfully look at someone like me who somehow escaped it all and think I’m having as much fun as George Clooney. I’m the guy who threatens their lifestyle choice by not partaking in it, and they question their lifestyle.

Then, there are those who genuinely feel pity towards me. I’m the guy these sympathetic souls invite to holiday dinners because otherwise I’ll be eating Thanksgiving turkey at IHOP, and will live out his last days among well-meaning but clock-watching home attendants.

So though you may have preconceptions, I just wanted to tell you that not all single, childless guys think you are the suckers stuck at home while we drink lattes and work on our next start-up. I can’t speak for the entire Brotherhood, but I can just give you the viewpoint of me and a handful of my ever-diminishing group of single friends.

It’s true that there are moments when we are thankful we are free of the encumbrances of kids, and the loneliness sometimes felt is counterbalanced by the terrors we see around us. MMK’s imagery in a past post of his kids’ missing the toilet bowl when doing number 1 made it difficult to keep my lunch down for days. Then there’s the tantrum-throwing toddler I seem to regularly encounter in aisle 2 at the supermarket whose piercing screams are enough to induce PTSD. And it doesn’t seem to get better, as I observe the rowdy junior high kids turning the bus into a clown car or the sullen and rebellious teenagers plugged into their own iWorlds.

And yet, in spite, or even because, of this, there seems to me to be a kind of heroic effort in having a family. In a world bombarded with images of individual success and achievement, and of a million different distractions and competing value systems, and horror stories of dysfunctional families in the media, devoting one’s time and efforts to bringing new life into this world and caring for it takes real faith that everything will work out. Everyone seems to talk about the importance of family, but when it comes down to it, it seems to me that most peoples’ minds are on other things. MMK and the other family blogs I’ve had a chance to read are about the day-to-day joys and frustrations of actually raising a family, rather than just talking about it.

From this single, childless guy’s viewpoint, that’s inspiring. Even inspiring enough to make me think more about finally jumping to the Other Side. I’m not quite there yet. But who knows, maybe one day, I’ll have my own blog called, “What Did I Get Myself Into?”  If I ever do, I’ll make sure to give Larry and his blogging community some of the credit.

 

Under Pressure

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I am always surfing wordpress for new sites to follow. A couple of months ago I came across http://didthatjusthappenblog.wordpress.com/

The post was from a fan gloating about a Cowboys victory over the Eagles. I had to reply to this annoying Cowboys fan. Well, this led to an exchange of comments with the blogger. I found that this Cowboy fan had a sense of humor and was almost conciliatory.

Since then, Kate and I began following each other’s blogs. Her posts focus on her life as a single mom who is always there for her family and friends. Despite that she swears she is not a future winner of the mother of the year award. However, she has sure enjoyed the journey.

Thanks to Kate for your contribution. I hope you all enjoy her writing as much as I do.

Read below and see how she deals with pressure.

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There is this great song by Queen called “Under Pressure”.  I’m sure you know it, and you know that the most excellent David Bowie is featured.  It came in at #31 on VH1’s 100 Greatest Songs of the 80’s, just in case you wanted some trivia with your blog today.

I was recently asked to be a guest blogger.  I was shocked.  I was surprised.  I was beyond honored.  I was all of the sudden (wait for it…) Under Pressure!

I mean this is a big deal.  Memyselfandkids.com was the first blog that I followed that wasn’t a friend of mine.  I’ve enjoyed his writings and they’ve inspired me.  And he wants me to appear as a guest blogger? What would I write about?  How could I compare to his musing? Would I completely alienate his audience? Oh man, please don’t un-follow his blog if you really hate my guest post!!!

I thought about it all afternoon.  I wondered what would be a good topic to write about.  I figured that it needed to be somewhat generic, since you probably don’t follow my blog, writing about my usual cast of characters would leave you cold and in the dark.  And, I should keep it light and fluffy; bring a smile to your day.  Most importantly, I should stay on track! My blog is didthatjusthappenblog.wordpress.com/ Named so because I can’t tell you how many times a week that I have to stop and ask myself that question!  Truth is stranger than fiction really applies in my life! And a lot of it is really random stuff – so how do I pick something to share with you about me, how far do I go and seriously – what do I write about??

So, I called my girlfriend, E, like I do every day.  Okay, that’s a lie, I seldom call her.  She calls me.  I’m a great friend, but I’m horrible about calling the people in my life.  If I don’t talk to my dad for a couple of weeks, he’ll call just to make sure I’m alive.  I have a good dad! Back to the point.  I told E as soon as I could about being invited to guest blog.  We gushed over it as only girls can do.  Then we moved on to other things.  About 30 minutes later, out of nowhere, I blurted out, “What am I going to write about? I am drawing a complete blank!  It has been stewing in the back of my mind for the last 30 minutes.  I’m completely obsessed about what I will write about.”  Seriously, it was close to panic time.  There was no way I could live up to the expectation.  What would I write about?

Then E and I realized how funny it was that I spent all day worried about the guest post. Was I really  drawing a blank about what I would write about?  CDO totally kicking in (it’s like OCD, but the letters are in order like they should be!) and lurking in the back of my mind all day long.  I was cracking up at myself and then we realized – what a wonderful post it would make!  I’m sitting here obsessing about what to write about – yes, that really did just happen!

Stretching My Memory

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Me: I went roller skating with my friends.

Grandfather: I haven’t done that in 60 years.

Me: Then we went to the movies.

Grandfather: I haven’t done that in 20 years.

Me: Then we had a snowball fight.

Grandfather: I haven’t done that in 50 years.

As a child, I had many such conversations with my grandfather. It seemed whatever I told him, he had not done in some amount of years which were impossible to conceive for a nine year old boy. It was as if time had frozen for him about 20 years before. To be fair to him, he did spend his days taking care of my grandmother after she had a second stroke which proved debilitating. However, I could not conceive of 20 years let alone 60 years passing.

My birthday passed earlier this week. I am at the age where the celebrations are low key except when you get to a number that ends with zero. Anyway, my memory is stretching back further and further. Recently, my mother mentioned a plate that I made in kindergarten. On the plate, I traced my hands and wrote the year – 1977. That was 35 years ago, and I remember making it and seeing it in our kitchen underneath the hanging cabinet and next to the yellow flowered shape clock. I remember going on an airplane for the first time – 31 years ago. I remember my first time driving a car myself – 25 years ago. I remember moving out of my parent’s house (for the last time) – 17 years ago. I remember when my father passed away – 15 years ago. I remember when I got married – 10 years ago. Strangely enough, there are days when I can’t remember what pre-children life was like, but that’s another story.

This summer, marks the 20th anniversary of a significant event in my life. In July of 1992, I completed college, boarded a plane, and began a string of traveling summers. For a kid who had rarely left Pennsylvania, my world truly grew. I met people who were just like me and yet so different. I saw places that before seemed to exist just in books or movies. I experienced cultures which made me curious and empowered me to both question and more appreciate my own. You could say that I found myself via my travels to the Middle East, Europe, and the West Coast of America.

So, as I blow out the birthday candles on another year, I stretch my memory a little further. I appreciate the people in my life now as well as in the past. I consider my experiences and how they have shaped me. I look forward to another year and wonder what I will take from it to share when I am the grandfather.

Talking To My Blog

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Please note this was a phone conversation. You can only hear my side of the conversation. Sorry.

MMK: Hi. Hope you are good.

MMK: Yes, I’m fine. So, a birthday is coming tomorrow.

MMK: No, of course I didn’t forget.

MMK: I didn’t get you anything.

MMK: Because you don’t need anything.

MMK: Yes, you’re right – you do need stuff, and I give it to you.

MMK: What do you mean what do you get?

MMK: I give you my time, thoughts, personal life…

MMK: Why are you silent?

MMK: Listen blog. I made you. I feed you my words. I’ve introduced you to many people.

MMK: Yes, you have introduced me to many people too. I am extremely grateful for that. In addition, the sense of community that I have gotten through you has been amazing. There are so many talented, interesting, and caring people out there who also made blogs.

MMK: Okay, okay I know we’re talking about you. I just don’t know what to get you. I mean you don’t like Lego like BR, and you don’t like Thomas trains, like SY. So, I’m at a loss.

MMK: I’m trying. Ahh, I have an idea. It’s a surprise.

MMK: All right, all right I’ll tell you. Gosh, you are like my children. Actually, I’m going to get you a makeover. What do you think?

MMK: No, I do like you the way you are. Wow, now I’m starting to think you’re like my wife. Anyway, you’re going to like it. Trust me.

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Thanks so much to all of you who have read, commented, and shared with me through my first year of blogging. I am very grateful for the people I’ve met, and the stories they have shared. You have helped me to grow and that’s awesome.

I hope you continue to follow memyselfandkids and even share it with your friends and family. There is plenty of room on the blog – a place for everyone. Also, please stay tuned as a website is coming.  I hope you like it and choose to visit often.