Relationships – The Need to Communicate, the Desire to Change

Still trying to communicate after all these years

My wife and I – communication is the key

I believe in change. Don’t be frightened off – this is not another post about politics.

Anyway, I could not do my job if I did not believe in change.

But this is not about those challenging and occasionally likable high schoolers.

No, this is about relationships and marriage.

The other night my wife and I were having a discussion. Actually, it’s private. Yes, even bloggers hold some things back.

Anyway, in the middle of the discussion, it hit me. We had this same basic discussion about the same basic issue previously. I don’t mean last week, and it’s only coming up again because we are sleep deprived or have exhausted every non-child topic after nearly 12 years of marriage.

No, because in this case, my wife and I have not changed – at least not dramatically.

A little background.

When we first met, we went out a few times over a month, and then, I broke up with her. We met up again, by chance, a few weeks later, at some event and ended up walking home together. We had a discussion and decided to give it another try.

Six months later, we were serious. I had even brought her home to visit my family. This is definitely not something I made a habit of. I prefer asking questions to answering them. Anyway, afterwards, she told me she needed to pull back and think some things over.

A few months later we were engaged, and a few months later we were married.

And everything was perfect!

Yeah right. And life’s a Disney movie.

A couple of years into our marriage and after BR was born, we visited a therapist.

Each of these stoppages, etc. was really for the same issue.

So, while circumstances have changed – from getting to know you, to seriously involved, to parents etc. – the same issue was still there.

And I don’t think the issue is going to go away. Don’t fret. This is not the sweeps episode where something dramatic happens. No blood, tears, or loss of limb here.

Thankfully, my wife and I had a good discussion which left both of us more understanding of what the other is thinking/feeling.

Despite that, I don’t things will change dramatically. Yes, I know what I said earlier about how I believe in change. We each have some things about ourselves which we will always be working on throughout our lives. Some moments, days, years even, we will have more success and other times less. Life will continue to be busy and stressful, crazy and rushed. Stuff we can’t plan for or imagine will happen, and it will be easy to slip into old patterns. Intentional or not.

In a marriage, you can’t just shut down – you keep trying to make those changes. Really, it’s about communicating.