Purim: Time to Dress Up and Bond

Some people know how to enjoy themselves.

One such person is my neighbor Stacey.

She is a mom of three.  Stacey says her motto is “’never grow up’!” and that “Peter Pan is my role model.”

She is a very creative person who enjoys acting, scrapbooking, creating, and counted cross stitch.

Gru, Minions, Despciable Me

Gru, Minions and Despicable Me – comes to the Jersey Suburbs (2014).

Stacey and her family have utilized that creativity as part of the celebration of the Jewish Holiday of Purim. Check out her story below.

Purim has always been my favorite Jewish holiday.

It tells of the near destruction of the Jewish people as decreed by Haman, the advisor to the king of Persia, Ahashuerus. However, newly crowned Queen Esther, is secretly a Jew. Due to her courage, she saves the Jews from evil Haman’s decree.

We celebrate Purim by giving extra charity, going to synagogue to hear the retelling of the story (and getting to shake noise makers whenever we hear Haman’s name), putting on costumes, giving and getting baskets of food, giving charity to the poor, and having a Purim feast.

I like everything about Purim.

As a kid, the Purim story was fun to hear. During my teenage years, I loved having one day a year where I got to see all my loved ones- friends and family.  And now as a mom of three boys, it is the perfect bonding time for my family.

The holiday gives us license to regress a bit and be a kid. My boys tell my husband and I that we neither look nor act our age (they say this as a compliment) and on Purim we get to let the child within us, out!

How do we do this? We take our dress up SERIOUSLY. In fact, my boys start thinking about our theme a year in advance!

It began when my eldest, was just 18 months, and we already had a lion costume. At the last minute I ran into a store and bought a teenager size Dorothy costume to ‘match’ my baby. I begged my husband to dress up but he adamantly refused. The night of Purim, as we were getting ready to go to sleep, he relented. “Fine, I’ll dress up.”

At the last minute, I scrambled and found old maternity size overalls, and an old broom. We managed to pull together a scarecrow costume which he wore for our Purim day. And so the tradition began.

Through the years we continued dressing up as a family, usually sticking with Disney themes. I always got ‘stuck’ with the girl role; my husband, with the ‘villain’ role.  And my boys continue to up the ante.

Toy Story 2 - Purim 2012

Toy Story 2 Purim 2012- Woody, Buzz, Jesse, Zurg and Jesse

Occasionally, I got off easy- store bought costumes- like when we were all the Incredibles – but usually my boys have more complicated requests…. like when we turned our teenager into a plastic army man from Toy Story (he needed help getting out of those duck taped pants— good thing we did a dress rehearsal or the kid would not have been able to move, let alone breathe!).

Then there was the year that I created a magic carpet to go for as part of an Aladdin costume for my then 5-year-old. I had an old tv tray- used posters and markers and drew a replica of the magic carpet that Disney created and then hung blue streamers from the table to serve as the ‘sky’ (and hide the table legs). However, a rinky dink tv table could barely hold a cup of juice let alone the weight of my son and Aladdin ‘needed’ to be flying on that carpet, so I proceeded to fill a pair of white pants with stuffing and glued them down on to the ‘carpet.’

Purim 2006 - Disney's Aladdin

Disney’s Aladdin- Purim 2006- Aladdin, Jafar, Jasmine and the Genie

As you can imagine, getting the costumes ready is occasionally stressful, but I wouldn’t change it for the world!

Disney's Monsters INC Purim 2013

Disney’s Monsters INC Purim 2013- Randall, Sulley, Mike Wazowski, Boo, CDA (child detection agency)

Dressing up as one theme and then trying to squish into our mid-size car fills my family and me with laughter. It gives us pictures and memories that will last a lifetime.

Yes, that’s Purim! What’s not to like?

Disney's Beauty & the beast- Purim 2011

Disney’s Beauty & the beast- Purim 2011- Belle, the Beast, Chip, Cogsworth and Lumiere

12 Years Together: What Causes A Bond?

Wife and husband hiking together.

My wife (who is also the photographer in this case) and I together on a hiking trail.

It was March of 2002. My wife and I were newlyweds.

We stood on a subway platform waiting for 1 train. We were in the Riverdale section of the Bronx and were headed back to our apartment in Manhattan.  We were returning from a visit to friends of my wife.

Anyway, as we shivered on that winter night, I looked at my wife. It was a quiet moment. Both of us were thinking our own thoughts.

Though we had been married for a couple of months, I did not feel bonded to my wife.

When I would feel that our lives would be seamlessly intertwined?

You see I had this perception which I was in the midst of learning was false.

I thought you get married and then you are together.  You know: stomp on the glass, dance the hora, feed each other some cake, go home, and you are Coupled. Two become one, united, attached.

However, I did not feel coupled in the strongest sense of the word.

Yes, I was happy to go back to our apartment and share our bed. I was happy to hold hands and feel her fingers tingle. I was happy to stand close and smell her perfumed body.

I felt love.

Yet, I could easily have caught another train. I could have let go of her hand. We could have gone our separate ways.

I wondered at that moment on the platform. When does a couple feel like one? Would something dramatic have to happen? Would something feel different? Would there be a perceptible moment – a crossing of the tracks?

As I have said before, every couple creates their own love story. And therefore each story is unique.  So, my answer may not be your answer.

Today my wife and I celebrate our 12th anniversary (12 Years A Slave- ha, ha. I heard it was a good movie – want to see it).

Our wedding day doesn’t feel just like yesterday. The 12 years hasn’t passed in a blink of an eye. So, much has happened – both good and not so good. I’m sure every couple out there can come up with their own list.

In other words, we have lived a life together. Sometimes happy and sometimes sad, sometimes laughing and sometimes cursing, sometimes calm and sometimes screaming, sometimes excited and sometimes scared.  Mostly content and occasionally frustrated.

This is a life together. This is bonding, I believe. Somewhere through the years and the shared experiences we have bonded.

That doesn’t mean we have submerged our two individual selves in order to create a unified one.  We have separate likes and dislikes. We are not always on the same page. My wife and I think differently.

Today we celebrate our anniversary and our love story. We’ll look back and appreciate. We’ll look forward and hope. Mostly, we’ll deal with today. Together.

Happy Anniversary to my wife – nice being bonded to you.