Morning-Shower Phobia

Arachnophobia, claustrophobia, xenophobia. There are phobias for just about everything. I, thankfully, suffer from none of them. Well I’m not big on heights and you don’t want to see me around ketchup and iced tea. But other than that, I am just short of normal.

I took a self-imposed break from blogging though I continued commenting on other people’s blogs. Anyway, the break from blogging coincided with my break at school. Movies, Chuck E. Cheese, a visit to mom, editing of my novella, a staycation with my wife only, and sleeping in till 8:00 (yes, that is a big thing in my house) were just some of the highlights from my break. Of course, I found some time for self-loathing and questioning of my direction. However, the best part was not setting the alarm and moving at a different pace.
On Tuesday night, I had my clothes out, lunch made, lesson plans prepared, etc. I had psyched myself up and was ready to return to work. Then, I made a terrible mistake. I checked The site said it would feel like 9 degrees at 6 a.m. That is the time at which I am standing on a street corner praying for the bus to come. My heart sank as my resolve froze. Uggh. I added a pair of long johns to my pile of clothes.
Wednesday morning came, and I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom for my shower. You see, there are two types of people in this world: “shower-before-bed” people and “shower-in-the-morning” people. I happen to be the latter. Thus my shower serves a dual purpose: a clean start and a wake-up call.
I looked at the shower and had reservations. Let me tell you about our shower, and you will understand. It takes a couple of minutes for the water to warm up. Once it does warm up, it can be scalding. Now, you may be thinking to yourself, why don’t you just balance the hot and cold knobs so the water will come out at a temperature you are happy with. Sounds logical. However, my shower is not logical. The knobs are inconsistent, so I never know where to turn them to in order to get a comfortable temperature.
As I have mentioned many times, I often lack patience. So, sometimes in my rush to warm up the water, I turn the hot up too far. It will be a comfortable temperature when I get in and suddenly the water will be scalding. Then, I will turn the hot water down and pump up the cold water and a minute later, the water is freezing.

I have little tolerance for extreme temperatures. So, I spend half the shower jumping away from the water. I jump so often in the shower that it could be a new kind of exercise. You have zumba, pilates, and shower dance (sounds like it should be way more erotic than it actually is). This drastic change in temperature makes washing my private parts an act of faith. So, one minute, I’m burnt like a beach bum and the next minute, I’m frozen ala Walt Disney.

Then, you have water pressure. Well, you may have water pressure, but my shower sure doesn’t. Give my two cups of water and an hour, and I can generate more pressure than my shower.

So now, I have made a change. I am no longer a daytime shower person. It is too scary in that shower on cold winter mornings. In fact, you could say that I have a fear or phobia of my shower. There’s got to be a name for morning-shower phobia.

45 thoughts on “Morning-Shower Phobia

  1. Welcome back to work, Jersey. Your break sounds so much like mine that I’m now getting homesick. It was nice to sit and play with my children and not think about a single thing except playing with my children. And one morning I slept until the sinful time of 8:30.

    I don’t think you need a different shower time, I think you just need a plumber! Or have you tried that?

  2. We do the shower dance here too. My son is entertaining to see dancing in and out, because he is intolerable of the extremes as well. “Mama, it’s too hot!!” or “HOLY cow, that’s COLD!” Shower knobs are fickle things, that’s for sure.

  3. Maybe just turn down your water heater? That way you can just keep the knob toward the hot end, never have to freeze, and the hottest it can get would be less than scalding? Either that or practice that patience bit and let the water run for a few minutes before you jump in, feeling, adjusting, then waiting to see the full extent of the adjustment before making a decision of getting in or adjusting again. 🙂

  4. Oh that is too funny! With the cold weather here the “hot” on our shower wasn’t hot enough for me…I just had my husband go turn up the heat on the water heater the other day! I loved your reference to Walt! Also, I think we need to hear more about this ketchup and iced tea thing!

  5. My mum has a shower that sounds exactly like yours. Since our unfortunate situation of having to move back there I’ve stayed away from the shower and opt for a bath. Every morning. Which does the opposite to waking you up!! I miss our power shower :'(

  6. This is fantastic! I’m laughing at the idea of your shower dance as exercise – so funny! And water pressure. Ugh! I lived in an apartment for too many years without decent water pressure. I can’t take extreme temps either and mushy water pressure sends me, especially that early in the morning. I don’t have any suggestions, but I feel your pain. Happy you’re back! Great post!

  7. That sounds like such a fun and interesting way to begin your day, why on earth would you want to give it up? Look at the material you gained for this post–fabulous!

  8. Thanks a lot for making me chuckle… I am actually suffering from arachnophobia …
    But I would STRONGLY recommend you to find a Latin word for “morning-shower” – otherwise it doesn’t really count as a serious medical phobia, I think.

  9. ha!ha! can’t believe I missed this post in my e-mails ??? too funny ; “This drastic change in temperature makes washing my private parts an act of faith. So, one minute, I’m burnt like a beach bum and the next minute, I’m frozen ala Walt Disney.” , 🙂 ha!ha! 🙂 we have some issues with ours too, we have been told we need to renovate our entire bathroom within the next 6 months or we might have problems with our new renovated kitchen , ha! yeah right! how and how much and with what money? so, I guess like you we should change our shower schedule 😉

  10. Hi,
    I have just read this and am still laughing!!! You did a great job on writing this. I can see you in the shower still doing your shower dance! Your sense of humour comes out in this article, and it provided me with a great laugh that I needed.

    I also like the fact that you took a break away from blogging. One of the reasons that I don’t write a blog article for all of my blogs every week is because I want an added freshness that comes from creativity and this only comes, in my opinion, when you are rested.

    So great job. I love it when you take a break. This article is excellent writing.

    • I am so glad it made you laugh. That was my intention. I love to make people laugh. Many people wanted to give me advice. I know I need to get in touch with plumber. However, can’t we just laugh about it now?

  11. At this point, I think you should start taking showers at your neighbors…you might have better luck. I’m trying to figure our where you live because 9 degrees isn’t that cold…if you live Roger Pass, Montana!!

    GO DADS!

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