I walked in dejected. I rummaged through my pockets, emptied my briefcase, and checked my lunch bag.
“What is it? What are you doing,” my wife asked.
“I forgot my phone on the bus.”
My wife called the bus company. With the third announcement of, “All operators are busy. Please stay on the line. We appreciate your patience,” my wife said, “Do you know the bus route?”
“I think so.”
“Why don’t you try and catch it?”
And so began a high speed chase.
Nary a moment passed as I hopped into my car. I would have gone in through the window ala Bo and Luke Duke getting into the The General Lee (I know Dukes was cheesy with Confederate overtones. However, I loved the car chases and seeing Catherine Bach in her Daisy Dukes. I waited and hoped for a wardrobe malfunction). But, the windows were merely cracked on my 2005 Grey Honda Accord. This slowed me some but, to make up time, I didn’t allow the standard warm-up time for the engine.
Dukes of Hazzard photo courtesy of Google.
Wait, it gets crazier.
I soon was on Saddle River Road (in case you want to plot my journey) but saw no sign of the bus. I cranked up the One Direction – “But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t know…” Damn, that song is still catchy (https://larrydbernstein.com/top-40-kids/). Of course, I’d rather have been listening to Springsteen.
One Direction – courtesy of Google.
This car chase motored into another city, Glen Rock, where the speed limit is a whopping 25 miles per hour. Larry Leadfoot was speeding along Ackerman Avenue at 35 miles per hour.
In the immortal words of Pee Wee Herman: I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
Despite my rebellious bad ass self, my mission was incomplete. Still no bus in sight. I was at a crossroads. I no longer saw bus stop signs and wasn’t certain of the bus route. While I was weighing the option of heading directly to the end of the bus line, I saw not one but two buses drive past perpendicularly. (By the way, I got a D in high school geometry. I hated that class with a passion.) So, I made a right turn on to Maple Avenue and was hot on the trail. I was feeling confident.
But which bus held my phone? I was two car lengths behind when I saw a passenger get off one of the busses. I know this guy. He is an older construction guy. I’ve eavesdropped on many of his conversations. Actually, he talks so loud that “eavesdropping” is not the proper term. He doesn’t go two sentences without using the f-word (this chase scene is PG-13). He also is very knowledgeable about his trade.
A nagging question haunted me: how was I going to get on that bus? Where is Keeanu Reeves when you need him?
Speed Movie Poster courtesy of Google.
I considered parking and running after it. It was hot, and I am tired on Fridays. Next. I thought about trying to get in front of the bus, but we were on a one-lane road which did not allow for passing even when the bus dropped off more passengers. I decided the first thing I needed to do was to get the license plate number – which I did. And then, I forgot it 30 seconds later. I did, however keep the bus in my sights. Then, trouble came in the form of a traffic light.
The bus made a left on to South Ridgewood Avenue. When I was ready to turn, the traffic light had been yellow for a few seconds. I went for it. And made it. And only checked three times for cops. I’mma crazy – right?
The bus finally reached the end of the line. But wait. The bus driver did not exit the bus. In fact, people were still getting on. I looked for a parking spot and only saw a filled train station lot. Well, I had come too far to stop then. I parked my car in an area that was not designated for parking. I ran out of the car without bothering to roll up the windows and made a run for the bus.
The Eagle has landed. I spoke to the bus driver, who was clearly overwhelmed by my good looks and therefore eager to help. She pulled out a case that was found. Alas, it was not mine. My search of the seat. A good Samaritan had the sense to call my number. The vibration went off and I knew I was good. I took my phone, expressed my gratitude, and walked off the bus.
I drove home at a more careful 25 miles per hour, the adrenaline gone, but my phone safe beside me.
Hehehe!!! Glad you got your phone back – crazy what we’ll do to not lose sight of that thing we seem attached to!
Me too. I’ve become way too attached even after I promised myself I would not. Anyway, the rush of the chase was a bit fun and made for a good post (if I do say so myself).
Great story. Will part two be on a cruise?
Your comment made me think of Planes Trains & Automobiles. It is one of my favorite movies of all time.
hahahahaha! that’s just greatness! What a way to end the week, tho. I love the retelling of your adventure! And I’m really glad that you managed to track down the bus and get your phone!
Glad you liked it. I felt good about it. Yes, it was good to be able to retrieve it – would not have been nearly as good a story without the happy ending.
That made me laugh. Good thinking by the wife!
Glad it made you laugh. It was definitely one of my goals.
I’m so glad you found it! And the thought of you chasing down a bus in a 2005 Accord is priceless. Just priceless.
Thanks on all fronts. I thought it was pretty cool too – maybe it could have been a commercial for Honda. Do you think I should pitch them?
Sucks that it happened…but made for a fun read.
It was a bummer, but no big deal as I got it back. But in my life now, I think in blog posts and this made for good one. I say humbily.
Between the Dukes of Hazzard reference and the One Direction song, you really had me laughing today, Larry! I’m glad you got your phone (and made it back in one piece yourself!).
Cool – I love to make people laugh. Yes, I am happy I made it back in one piece too, but I was never in that much danger. Of course a tough guy like me – I thrive on danger. Ha ha.
Hi Larry. I enjoyed your post very much and was spreading word about your blog as much as I could! You’re a great blogger!!
I am really touched Raani. This is so nice of you to say.
Btw, I thought of you after I made that reference to Keeanu Reeves. I think you planted his name in my consciousness.
what a Friday evening! 🙂 love your story, I was waiting to find out if you were going to find your phone or not! 🙂 glad you found it and that you had a great ride chasing the bus and a nice slow ride coming back home! 🙂
Glad you liked it – thought it would make for a good post. I was practically writing it as it occurred.
Great post! Wild and wacky (that is a word you always use on my posts)!!! I love all the imagery and suspense! Good stuff!
So happy you liked my wacky post. Does this mean I am an honorary member of Motherhood is an Art? Cool!
Always!!
You’re kind!
AWESOME! I love this post. So funny. I could totally picture you speeding after that bus! Great entertainment for my boring Wednesday morning! So glad the chase resulted in the return of your phone.
Glad it made you laugh. I love making people laugh and thought that one would work. “Speeding” at 35 miles an hour – ahh life in the burbs.
Thanks for the laughs and the pop culture references throughout your escapade! That may be enough excitement for a while!!
Glad it made you laugh – always love to make readers laugh. I think I can still handle more excitement at my age. Of course, that is what passes for excitement in the suburbs.
That was quite the story! You should sell the movie rights 🙂
The whole thing could be done in real time. I am just not sure who would play me.
Anyway, I agree to have it sold but insist you represent me and handle the sale. Keep me posted.
Sounds like quite the adventure. You’re a much more cautious driver than I. I was bombing along at 100 km/h (60 mph) on a dirt road earlier today. But there were no buses. No cell phone chase. No adventure. I’m glad you were able to retrieve your phone.
You are a wild woman!!
I had no choice but to be cautious. There was traffic, lights and police around. So, my adventure happened in slow motion (almost).
loved it!
Thanks. I edited this slightly and sent it to a magazine. I hope they have the same reaction as you.