Grown Up Questions

I was laughing. A lot. I was lounging on the sofa after I had finished working out. The time was approaching 8:26. Why, you may be wondering, does that matter? Well, 8:26 is the witching hour for my older son, BR. BR’s bedtime is my responsibility. In our division of labor, my wife serves as the beddy bye conduit for SJ, and I handle BR.
After flipping through the channels, I settled on the movie Grown Ups with Adam Sandler. Yes, an Adam Sandler movie. I was in the mood for some dumb laughs. Besides, I only planned on watching it till 8:26. Well, in the right mood, Adam Sandler can be pretty darn funny.

Basic CMYK

BR, who was playing some computer game heard my guffawing. Curious as to what was so funny, he came down and asked. BR curled up next to me, and we started talking. Now, say what you like about Adam Sandler, but his movies are generally not appropriate for 8-year-olds. Well, so between the movie and the clock hitting 8:26, I had my cue to get up. But I didn’t. I was comfortable, enjoying hanging out with my son, and so I made the call to watch together for a few minutes. How bad could it get?
Then, a boy of about six walks up to his mother played by Maria Bello. He tells her that he’s hungry and the next thing you know, he is breastfeeding. I snickered a bit and went silent though the thoughts in my head were racing. Please don’t let him ask about this. I don’t want to talk about this now. Why didn’t I take him up at 8:26?
“Why did you laugh?”
“Um, I don’t know. It was funny.”
“What was funny?”
“Well, the fact that kid is getting to milk from his mother.”
“I don’t get it.”
“He is six or something like that and still getting milk from his mother.”
BR looked confused. I went on.
“It’s perfectly natural for a baby to get milk from his/her mother.”
“How does a baby get milk from his/her mother?”
I opened the can of worms. I might as well keep going. “Well G-d makes a miracle and a woman is able to give her baby milk from her breast?”
“How’s G-d do that?”
“I don’t know. It’s a miracle. Pretty cool right.”
“Yeah.” He looked confused.
I didn’t know how to continue. My wife walked in. Save me. “You know you got milk from mommy. How long did you breast feed BR?” Oh, the look I got.
“Six months.”
“I don’t remember.”
“Of course you don’t. You are not supposed to. If you are old enough to ask or remember, it is too long.”
“How long do most babies do it for?”
“Well, it depends. Some go to 6 months like you did, some a year, a year and a half. Maybe even two years.”
“Oh. Babies come from where mommie’s would have penises right?”
“Right. But you know mommies don’t have penises right? We talked about this before.”
“I know. What’s it called again?”
“What do they have instead of penises again?”
“Do we really have to talk about this?”
“Just tell me please. “
“Fine. They are called vaginas.”
“Vaginas. They are called vaginas.”
“Why are they called that?
“I don’t know. They just are.”
BR paused, as he was probably thinking or processing. It was an opening. I put him on my shoulders and up to bed we went. No more questions tonight.

29 thoughts on “Grown Up Questions

  1. I remember those days!! Now I tried to handle my 13-year-old son’s “man” questions on my own, but had to call in reinforcements. Now he knows to call my brother. Thanks for the laugh.

    • Yes, you never know what will prompt these kinds of covnersations – even Adam Sandler.
      I am glad I could make you laugh – love to make people laugh.

  2. I think that’s a great conversation to have! Probably would have been easier to have been more prepared for it, but I think it’s great that you did talk to him about it, and about how natural it is. And, really, from what I can tell about parenting thus far, when are you ever entirely prepared for those kinds of questions?! Seem to kind of pop up when you’re least expecting them. 🙂

    • I agree it is important to have these sorts of conversations. I want him to be able to ask my wife and me such things. However, like you sense parents never seem to be completely prepared and the questions always seem to come out of nowhere.

  3. I love that movie! It’s brilliant! Such a great lesson in being who you are and appreciating your family! What I love is how uncomfortable his questions made you. Just FYI, the questions get worse as they get older… Something to look forward to!

    • I had a feeling you would respond to the movie part of the blog – knowing you are a movie buff that is. I never saw the whole thing. If it is on again and convenient, I’d watch it.
      I am not surprised that the questions get harder as they get older. Is it possible to be prepared?

      • You know it! and, the only way to prepare is to get use to saying PENIS and VAGINA and the occasional BREAST. I’ve never been a liar and I’m always surprised at how uncomfortable so many people are at saying those words, or by telling the truth. The only rule I had/have was keep it age appropriate – oh, and only answer what they ask! The nice thing was, since I was always honest and answered Mr. T without stuttering or avoiding the question or avoiding eye contact – he’d come home and ask me about things he’d heard at school, etc.

        • Yes, as you can see, I used the proper words with him. I think it is kind of silly to use one of the silly terms that some people do.
          It sounds to me that your philosphy was wise and is paying off.

  4. Ha! So funny. We just found out we are expecting #3. My 3 (almost 4) year old knows that babies grow in their mommy’s tummy but wanted to know where they come out. Oh my. “Will the baby come out of your mouth? Will it come out of your belly button? Will it come out your bottom?” We finally settled with, “Boys and girls have different private parts. babies come out of their mom’s private parts.” I just couldn’t bring myself to use the names yet!

    • Firstly, congrats. Good luck on finding that energy.
      Funny my son asked that part later on. When I told him, he kept saying how can the child fit? I told him it was a miracle and can be difficult.
      I don’t blame you for holding off on the names. That is a young age. If the child is content, then you have done your job.

  5. ohhhh these questions…you know how important it is for me to be honest but when mine get a bit older and I will need to elaborate a bit more on the ….’we loved each other very much and then we had you’ I really won’t know what to say…

    • Nobody does and the questions always seem to come out of nowhere or at least when you are not prepared. ANyway, you’ll muddle thought it – just like I did.

  6. Oh boy!! So funny! I have backed myself into plenty of these conversations!! I try to avoid them as much as possible because I’m never sure what they are going to remember and then go tell their friends…”My mom has a penis and she breastfed me until I was 6 years old” is how I figure my kids would retell the story!!!

    • LOL! I also wonder what he will do with the information. I can only imagine getting a call from another parent – you might be ready to tell your kids this sort of thing but I am not ready for my kids to know this.
      Do they ever come up when you are ready? My experience says no!

    • Glad I could make you laugh.
      Explosion is a good way to put it. It’s like an old cartoon where I end up with my face covered in soot from the dynamite that just went off.

  7. Lol So awkward! Luckily, I breastfeed in front of my 6YO and he has had very few questions about it. He doesn’t even think its strange that he used to do it. He’s just always taken it as a fact of life, I guess, that it’s just how mommies feed their babies! He loves Adam Sandler movies, btw… Jack & Jill in particular!

    • Awkward – oh yeah!!
      That’s cool that your son is so comfortable with the topic.
      Is Jack & JIll the one that came out last summer?

  8. See what happens when you don’t put them to bed on time? My son is always asking questions, and he never stops with one! You learn to be really good at thinking ahead and somehow coming through. I figure my fumbling for an answer is better than any they’ll get on the playground!

    • Yeah, yeah, you are right. Do you moms talk about these things? My wife said the same thing about putting him to bed.
      Stopping at one – are you kidding? Do they ever? I actually appreciate that he asks questions – curiousity is a sign of intelligence.
      I think you are right in that my answer will be better than any he gets on the playground.

  9. First I LOVE that movie but you’re right, I’m not sure if I’d watch it with my son right now. And second – the reason I wouldn’t watch it is because of THOSE questions! Good for you to telling him the truth and not dancing around it. Personally, I’m no looking forward to these conversations but since he’s closer to me than his dad, I have a feeling that I’ll be the one he asks.

    So you go first and I’ll follow your lead 🙂

  10. Oh no!! I am definitely not looking forward to dealing with this questions when Baby is older…my parents just bought us kids a book called “what’s happening to me” and left it to us to figure out! I still wonder about some things 😉

    You handled the situation quite well! I hope you’re wife wasn’t too upset with being dragged into it!

    • Oh, she was not pleased. I think her bigger issue was my son not getting to bed on time.
      I think I would like to get a copy of that book or one like it. It might prove helpful.

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