Gross: Read with Caution

I’ve said this before. My boys have bad aim. I don’t mean in darts. I don’t mean at a shooting range. I don’t mean at bowling. I think you know what I mean. My wife blames me. The woman who takes responsibility for everything refuses to touch this one. “They’re boys – you’re supposed to teach them,” she lectures me.

“It’s not my fault,” I try to plead.

But she ain’t hearing any of that. “Well, you need to figure something out, because I am sick of this.” “This” is a smelly, soggy bathroom. Seriously, when one of my boys has to pee in the middle of the night, it is ugly. I imagine turning on the light when they are going and it being like rookie firemen trying to control a hose for the first time. Seriously. Anyway, walking into the bathroom the next morning – I can understand what Washington went through when he forged the Delaware.

I’ve tried yelling at them. “This is disgusting. It smells in here. Don’t you smell it?”

I’ve tried cajoling them through reason. “This is our house. You have to care about our house. Don’t you want you our house to smell nice?”

I’ve tried forcing them to do all the clean up. “Bend down and wipe this up!”

Nothing has worked!

Maybe, it is time to be evil. They love Apple Juice. This could be a mixer. Naah, who am I kidding? That is too disgusting. Besides, I’m not that evil.

Truth is I got nothing. I guess at this point I am putting it in the category of they will do better as they get older.

However, I look to you dear reader. Can you please help me with your suggestions? In the meantime, I will keep buying Renuzit in bulk.

72 thoughts on “Gross: Read with Caution

  1. Yes – everyone needs to start sitting. Sitting also keeps the toilet seat down in order to avoid the other thing that pisses people off (intended) The End. Standing is for emergencies in the forest. 😀 You are very welcome.

  2. Ha ha, sitting is definately the way forward. This might cheer you up though, a friend of mine has a 3 year old boy who has been aiming at the bathroom wall, washing basket, door and bath because he wants to pee like daddy (although I’m pretty sure he doesn’t pee up the bathroomwall) so at least yours are trying for the actual toilet 🙂

  3. I haven’t started potty training my boy yet (not really), but I heard of a neat trick to get him to aim at the bowl. Drop a Cheerio or two into the bowl before they pee. (For night time trips to the bathroom, you’ll have to do it before you go to bed I guess, assuming you don’t get up with your boys at night). So, when they go pee, tell them to aim for the hole in the Cheerio. Apparently, it works. Good luck! And thanks for the laugh. Your post was hilarious!

  4. I feel your pain. I just feel your pain very, very deeply. I stared at my bathroom awhile this morning, trying to figure out what Wal Mart can sell me that will make this daily problem less heinous. And we’ve even trained him to clean up after himself and aim better. This IS better than it was.

  5. You’d think at 5.5 and 8 they’d be better aims but my 8yo is hopeless! Perhaps a ping pong ball to aim for – boys need something to focus on.

  6. I don’t know, I’ve had worse luck with sitting–it goes out between the seat and the toilet rim. (Unless he sits backward, but for that he has to strip down.) And I don’t dare take my kid out back to pee lest he decide it’s a more fun location to take care of business. I’d say you need a taller toilet. We have chair-height toilets, and the height means that he has to be REALLY sloppy to get it elsewhere, since he just clears the rim on his tippytoes. (He also puts his thighs right up against the rim, which I think helps, since that adds one less direction to err.) I feel (or smell) your pain, though…

  7. I’m trying a single sheet of toilet paper placed in the toilet. Then my 3 year old can be a fighter pilot trying to sink the battleship

  8. I laughed loudly when I read that. I heard a friend of mine had that problem too. She did buy a so called (free translation) – “Toilet toy for big and small boys” and placed it in her bathroom.
    I was laughing my butt off, when I saw it. It looked like the “goal” of a soccer match. With the soccer ball hanging from the top. And believe it or not – EVERY man going to that bathroom is standing there trying to “hit” the soccer ball in the middle – and it’s guaranteed, the pee goes where it belongs. LOL
    From what I heard she strongly recommended this!

  9. I broke down and made my boys start cleaning their own bathroom about a year ago. Hasn’t helped their aim, but at least I don’t have to deal with it. Perhaps I will make them sit. That ought to embarrass them into better aim. 😉

  10. There is nothing you can do. Three boys and I have no advice. Nagging works sometimes, but keep in mind your boys have friends. None of them will have your training to ‘focus and aim’. Keep a thing of wipes in the bathroom for clean up. Not for the boys, but for your and your wife. Welcome to boyhood parenting!

  11. Oh goodness, I’ve been blessed with a boy with good aim, I guess. (knocking on wood!!) I’m the only one who ever cleans the bathrooms, and its never really been gross! Although he does sleepwalk at times and try to pee in odd places… Like on the front door, and standing on the stool at the bathroom sink…but I used to be a sleepwalker too, so i can’t even blame my hubs for that one! 🙂 Good luck!!!

      • I grew out of it. Hoping he does too! I remember falling asleep in bed and waking up on the couch a few times when I was a kid. Oh, and I also sleep-walked into the living room, pulled down my pjs and peed on the living room floor… Right in front of both parents… When I was about 3YO. Interesting, huh? But I haven’t done it since elementary school age…. As far as I know.

  12. I am a little late to the game but laughed when I read this. My son sat until he went to school and started copying older boys in the restroom. I didn’t have to say much about it. You can also throw Cheerios in the toilet to encourage target practice. In the meantime, buy Nature’s Miracle at the pet store. It’s to clean and de-smell pet urine, but it works well for humans too (and can be used fro vomit but that may be TMI).

  13. I have a new appreciation for the two boys in my home and my husband who aim well the majority of the time. Dare I say it? They also remember to put the seat down most of the time.

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