When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone I’m not so self-assured
Now I find I’ve changed my life and opened up the doors
Beatles – Help
I’m sure you have many traits you want children your children to exhibit as they grow into adults. One trait I want my children to exhibit is the ability to ask for help.
It shouldn’t be hard to ask for help. But it is. Really.
Think about how many times you have answered no to the question, “Do you need any help?” when in reality you did need assistance.
And why did you say, “No thanks?” Maybe, you were too proud, too shy or simply did not want to be viewed as weak or needy.
I struggle to ask for help and often say “no thanks” when it’s offered. I want to be self-reliant. While I consider this a worthy goal, I have come to realize that asking for help from someone else does not make me weak, incompetent, or a loser.
After all, what better feeling is there than answering someone’s call for help? Seriously, helping someone gives me a rush. I feel good that I could help and am happy to see a person prosper because of the assistance. And I don’t look down upon that person at all! I suppose this trait is one reason that I enjoy teaching. Helping a student learn is a major rush for me.
Now, I need to get more comfortable asking for help.
This post is a call for help. The help is not for me which in a way makes it more difficult.
Oren Miller is a fellow dad blogger (A Blogger and a Father). He founder a Dad Bloggers Facebook group a few years ago which currently has just under 800 members. The group is made up of a bunch of involved concerned dads. The Facebook page is a place where we joke, offer/ask for writing/blogging advice, and share family concerns. More than anything it is a supportive community which I am proud and fortunate to be a part of.
Oren is the backbone of the group. He welcomed me into the group and has been a great help. He is passionate about being a dad and is often the voice of reason in the group.
Oren himself is a 41 year old father of two. On May 30, Oren was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He wrote about his diagnosis and thoughts on it in a blog post that was full of grace, dignity, and love. I was choked up reading it and insisted my wife read it as well.
Rather than simply shaking his head, shedding a tear and hugging his children tighter, Brent Almond, a fellow dad blogger, decided to do something. Brent would not fall prey to the bystander effect. This is when we see something on the street and know we should do something, but through out own sense of uneasiness, or morbid curiosity we just stay there as a bystander, not taking an action, not moving forward, not doing something.
Brent took action. He teamed up with the people of Give Forward to create the Give Forward campaign for Oren. The goal was to raise $5,000 so Oren and his family could enjoy a vacation before he began treatment. That goal was reached in just a matter of hours. In fact, the campaign recently passed $27,000. The money can be used for medical bills or however Oren and his wife see fit as he goes through treatment.
If you have the means, please consider donating here. A thought or a prayer for Oren and his family helps as well.
We all need help.