A Moment Without Impact

Child's Non Impact MomentSome moments have a long term impact. Blissfully, many do not.

July 14 marked three years since I started blogging. I went back and looked at some of my early posts and came across one about BR playing Kickball.

Here’s a few lines from the post:

“They said he was the worst kick ball player ever.”
“BR said,” my wife continues as we are lying in bed “that the kids said he is the worst kickball player ever.”
“Who said it,” I replied angrily. I wanted to yell at all the kids or even worse. I buzzed my wife, to give me more details about BR and what occurred.
“He didn’t say names. He just said a bunch of kids.”
“Yes, he is unhappy about it.”
“No, he didn’t say anything back at them.”
“I don’t know why he didn’t say anything back at him.”
“I told him next time someone says something mean to him, he should use his voice and tell them to stop just like Flat Stanley did.”
“He is anxious for Tuesday.”
“Because on Tuesday, he is going to be the captain of the team.”

Now, I am worried about Tuesday.  I don’t want him to embarrass himself, feel bad about the situation, or be over anxious.

I went on to note my wish that my children would have acquired my sports acumen as it was a huge asset in helping me get deal with my own shyness. I also explained the challenges my children face and promised that I would work with and support BR.

Why bring this up now?

Yesterday, BR came home from camp yapping away about his day. He went on and on telling me about the soccer game he played and the goal he scored. He was proud of his accomplishment.  He also mentioned that he played kickball. BR said, “I don’t like kickball so much. I’m not as good at it.”

And that was it. He went back to talking about his camp day.

While BR glossed over the subject of kickball, I instantly flashed back to the incident three years ago.  And I realize now I was more traumatized than my child. In fact, BR didn’t seem traumatized in the least over kickball. For all I know BR may not even remember the kickball incident and even if he does, it clearly does not bother him all that much and surely does not stop him.

We parents often get caught up in what is going on with our child’s life. Our love for our child can limit our perspective.  I was sure that the kickball incident could be traumatizing. The potential problems raged through my mind. He would never play sports. He would always be alone. He would fight the other kids. He would be the subject of taunting. Etc, etc, etc,

I’ve heard many parents of older children talk about the need to pull back at times and recognize that not every moment in your child’s life is huge.  Not every moment – no matter how big it seems at the time – is detrimental or impactful upon your child’s future.

I know that this is sage advice. In fact, I’d like to think I have gained perspective and am not The Worrier I once was.  But it’s not easy especially when my children are in the midst of one of those inevitably challenging moments.

I hope that when that next challenging moment occurs, I’ll help my children as I can in a way that’s appropriate.  And I’ll know that the moment will pass for my children and me.

This parenting thing ain’t easy

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/asthenia/692456870/”>Ashelia</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a>

8 thoughts on “A Moment Without Impact

  1. I always love when I can see that something that I thought was going to mess with T’s head ends up not being an issue for him! As a parent, I’m always relieved when something bothers me more than him – it shows that he is growing and learning!

    • I think it also shows that our love for our children affects our perspective. I’m just happy it did not mess with him. Let it be my problem and not his.

  2. I feel the same way that Kate does. It always amazes me how I feel so much for something that has happened to Jake and he’s forgotten about it the next day. I wonder if that’s just part of being a parent.

    • I think it is being part of a parent. Kids are more resilient. They just keep going. That’s not to say nothing bothers them or affects them but it’s not always so clear or obvious.

  3. It is hard not to make our issues into theirs or to worry that they are hanging onto something we wish they wouldn’t.

    There is something very cool about watching them shrug some of this off. Sometimes they do a better job of dealing with narishkeit than we do.

  4. I did not realize how far behind I was on my blog reading. It’s very challenging, separating yourself from your child. I find it even harder because of the challenges my children have. Now that they’re both in high school I’m working on stepping back, allowing them to find their own voices, face the consequences of their actions without trying to soften the blow. It’s hard, but I know it’s necessary.
    I’m glad BR talked more about the positive aspect of his day. He accepted what wasn’t his favourite part (kickball) and acknowledged it, but he focused his energy on the good part (soccer). Kudoos to you and Mrs. MMK for teaching your sons that most important lesson.

    • It’s hard to step back. I hear you because my boys – particularly BR has had his challenges. This makes it even more encouraging that he is more focused on the positives.

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