Selective Deafness

Earlier today, my friend Kate over at Did That Just Happen Blog honored me by allowing me to be a guest on her blog.

The post is one I think all parents will be able to relate to: Selective Deafness. You may not know what I mean by this trait. However, I am positive your children suffer from this occasionally as well.
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Roy Halladay – Please Come Back

Roy Halladay*I originally posted this on March 19,2013. Today, Roy Halladay died in a tragic plane crash. He was just 40 years old. Roy is survived by his wife Brandy and sons Ryan and Braden.

Now, I really wish he was back. Too sad.

I don’t follow celebrity news with any enthusiasm. Yes, I know that Kim Kardashian is expecting her first child courtesy of Kanye West. I know that Jennifer Aniston recently got married. I know that Lindsay Lohan is getting locked up.

However, I don’t really care about celebrity’s lives. I love movies and beyond that, I don’t really care what the celebrities are doing.

However, I am obsessed with Roy Halladay. And it is to an odd level for a normal responsible working family man.

Do you know who Roy Hallday is? Let me tell you. By the way, he is nicknamed Doc. So, let’s call him that here.

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SpongeBob Lessons

Things to do.  Limited energy.  You know what I mean. Anyway, the result – my children watch way too much television. The television is convenient.  The children are quiet.  I know, I know they are not chiseling out my bust for the parent hall of fame.

Two weeks ago I mentioned to you about my son’s obsession with Mickey Mouse (Mickey-mouse-questions-and-thoughts) and how it has filtered down to me. I still have some unanswered questions on that front, but I am moving on.  Today, I come to you to praise one of the regulars of my children’s television watching. SpongeBob.

Courtesy of

Courtesy of

That’s right I like SpongeBob. Not only do I like him, I think he is a good role model. Let me run down a list of his positive traits.

WORK ETHIC: – Who wouldn’t want their child to have a work ethic similar to Sponge Bob’s? He is punctual. Once SpongeBob arrived late at work. He felt so bad that he started sleeping at The Krusty Krab.  On top of that, he is ambitious. When Mr. Krabs was going to open up a new store, SpongeBob was eager for the promotion. When Squidward got the job, SpongeBob was crushed.

FRIENDLY: SpongeBob is even nice to Squidward despite the fact that this friendship is rarely returned. There was an episode where Squidward was being bullied. SpongeBob insisted Sandy Cheeks teach Squidward karate. Of course, SpongeBob is always there for Patrick. In one episode, Patrick’s parents come for a visit.  Patrick is worried because his parents think he is dumb. So, SpongeBob pretends to be a moron to make Patrick look good.

LOYAL: SpongeBob will do just about anything for Mr. Krabs. In one episode, Pearl, Mr. Krab’s teenage daughter, insists on having a sleepover. Mr. Krabs vacates the house, but he is worried about leaving her alone. So, Mr. Krabs asks SpongeBob to check on the sleepover. SpongeBob does so and in many different guises – including as the pizza delivery guy.

PERSISTENCE: SpongeBob wants to learn how to drive a boat. Unfortunately, he has repeatedly failed his driver’s exam. Instead of giving up, he continues to take driver’s education classes.

RESPECT FOR TEACHERS: (You knew I had to throw this one in there.) Ms. Puff is SpongeBob’s driver’s education teacher. One day Ms. Puff was absent from class and SpongeBob was so disappointed. In addition, whenever Ms. Puff needs something, SpongeBob is happy to oblige.

HUMILITY: SpongeBob was working as a stand-up comedian and bombing. So, he started making fun of squirrels and the crowd loved it. Well, Sandy Cheeks, SpongeBob’s squirrel friend did not like it as others in Bikini Bottom started looking at her differently. So, SpongeBob fights his desire for popularity and instead starts making fun of himself (and everyone else).

Yes, I know SpongeBob can be an idiot and has an annoying laugh.  However, honestly now, tell me aren’t these qualities you respect in others and want for your children? I know I would like to see my children exhibit these qualities. So, though I feel guilty for being busy and turning the television into a babysitter, I feel a little less bad when my children are watching SpongeBob – a real role model.

P.S. You should know that 99% of this was written based on my viewing of the show and 1% was researched to refresh my memory. I tell you this so you should judge me. Go ahead! I can take it.

Gross Out: Don’t Read During Dinner

At the end of this post, you will be either grossed out or laughing. Or both. If you have a sense of humor similar to mine, you will probably feel both. Proceed if you wish but consider yourself forewarned.

Last week my blogging friend over at wrote a post entitled Getting My Report Card as a Parent. Melissa mentioned that as parents we get reviews or report cards. However, she said, the closest thing to a review is when we bring our kids for their doctor checkups and dentist appointment. Melissa is clearly worried about how the doctor will see her children and is certain the dentist would give her a C if he/she could. She does not have her kids floss.

Are you kidding? I exchanged some emails with Melissa. If flossing is the criteria, I would get an F. My kids brush their teeth twice a day – as long as they are reminded bugged threatened. It’s not that they are dirty children. It’s just that they are boys. They are not especially worried about dirt. To their further detriment, they are my boys.

I have told you numerous times that I lack patience. Any patience I do have is often taken up at work. By the time I get home, I am certainly patience challenged. Well, the apple doesn’t fall from the tree.

My children don’t have time to thoroughly brush their teeth. They have other things they want to do – watch television, play on the computer, build Lego, vroom Thomas trucks, etc. See, these other things are clearly more important. Ten seconds a brushing – that ought to do it is their attitude. I tried to make up a catchy tune to get them to be more thorough – up and down, all around and all over the place. Okay it may not be especially catchy – I am neither Lennon nor McCartney – but my mediocre at best voice makes these words sound not terrible. However, the desired affect is not there.

I think I know what you are thinking. While uncouth, this is far from disgusting. Your own boys may be in the same dirty boat. Well, I am not finished.

If you walk into any of our 2 ½ bathrooms, you will find wipes. Yes, both boys were on the later end of potty training. However, both are, thankfully, well past that stage. They are patient enough to sit and take care of their business. However, that is about where their patience ends. Wiping. Whose got time for wiping? This bathroom hastiness clearly goes beyond tooth brushing. One wipe, maybe two is about all they have time for.

Picture courtesy of

Picture courtesy of

This hasty retreat from the bathroom can lead to malodorous results. And, no I am not talking about farting.

So, Melissa, if the doctor was giving me a grade for my parenting I’m certain it wouldn’t be good. Dirty butts – I’m not even on the parenting chart.