Monthly Archives: July 2012

Talking To My Blog

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Please note this was a phone conversation. You can only hear my side of the conversation. Sorry.

MMK: Hi. Hope you are good.

MMK: Yes, I’m fine. So, a birthday is coming tomorrow.

MMK: No, of course I didn’t forget.

MMK: I didn’t get you anything.

MMK: Because you don’t need anything.

MMK: Yes, you’re right – you do need stuff, and I give it to you.

MMK: What do you mean what do you get?

MMK: I give you my time, thoughts, personal life…

MMK: Why are you silent?

MMK: Listen blog. I made you. I feed you my words. I’ve introduced you to many people.

MMK: Yes, you have introduced me to many people too. I am extremely grateful for that. In addition, the sense of community that I have gotten through you has been amazing. There are so many talented, interesting, and caring people out there who also made blogs.

MMK: Okay, okay I know we’re talking about you. I just don’t know what to get you. I mean you don’t like Lego like BR, and you don’t like Thomas trains, like SY. So, I’m at a loss.

MMK: I’m trying. Ahh, I have an idea. It’s a surprise.

MMK: All right, all right I’ll tell you. Gosh, you are like my children. Actually, I’m going to get you a makeover. What do you think?

MMK: No, I do like you the way you are. Wow, now I’m starting to think you’re like my wife. Anyway, you’re going to like it. Trust me.

——–

Thanks so much to all of you who have read, commented, and shared with me through my first year of blogging. I am very grateful for the people I’ve met, and the stories they have shared. You have helped me to grow and that’s awesome.

I hope you continue to follow memyselfandkids and even share it with your friends and family. There is plenty of room on the blog – a place for everyone. Also, please stay tuned as a website is coming.  I hope you like it and choose to visit often.

Not Even the Godfather

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“Look how they massacred my boy,” The Godfather, Don Corleone cries. In this famous scene from one of the great movies (and book, of course) of all time, The Godfather is distraught because he could not save Sonny, his oldest son. This powerful man, who controlled politicians and policemen, weeps with the knowledge that his son’s fate was beyond his control.

It’s summer and therefore, school’s out. There is no homework, teacher conferences, behavioral charts, and bagged lunches. It’s camp time which means trips, games, and swimming. Summer camp is stress free – well, it’s supposed to be.

Deciding where to send SJ to camp was a pretty simple decision for my wife and I. Last year, he attended the town camp and LOVED it. He was smiling and talking about it all the time and was wishing for camp on Sunday. He wore the camp tee-shirt throughout the year, and in February, SJ began asking how much longer till camp? On top of his sheer delight, the camp was very reasonable. Kid loved the camp, and it was reasonable – we were set. Or so we thought.

When camp began this year, SJ was out of his head with excitement, and his joy was our joy. On the way to his third day of camp, SJ and I were taking.

“Who do you play with at camp?”

“I play by myself.”

“Really, how come?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you sad about that? Don’t you want to play with the other kids? Wouldn’t that be more fun?”

“Silly Daddy. It’s okay to play yourself. You can still have fun.”

While I found the situation upsetting, SJ was clearly okay with it.

As the first week came to an end, SJ was no longer okay with his new situation. His excitement for camp was clearly lessened. As I dropped him off, his counselor remarked, “Why aren’t you smiling today?

He is one of the youngest kids at the camp. Last year, that did not matter because he happily played with two kids who were in his age range. This year was different. One of his friends from last year returned, but he is playing with a kid who is two years older than SJ. The older boy is not interested in playing with SJ. In fact, he is ignoring him.

SJ is the most gregarious (once he gets over his initial shyness) person in our family and very much enjoys playing with other kids. He thrives in the company of others – always smiling and trying to make others smile. However, he is on the immature side and tends to do better with kids that are younger. SJ sometimes misreads social situations. In addition, his low muscle tone causes him to shy away when horseplay gets intense.

My wife has spoken to SJ about the social challenges he is facing at camp. She has encouraged him to play with those who want to play with him. We have both spoken to the counselor. My wife has knocked her head against the wall trying to think of how to make the situation better. In other words, she has been a mom.

Maybe, this situation can’t be made better. Maybe SJ will have to deal with it and find other kids to play with.

Regardless of what my wife and I do, SJ (and BR) will go through situations in life where friendships change and no longer work. They will face rejection. Their situations will upset us, their parents, but we will just have to do our best to support our children and give them the strength to deal with whatever comes along. Even the powerful Don Corleone couldn’t make it all good for his children.

 

It’s Not the Caffeine

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Mrs. O’Donnell: Do you want some tea?

Me: No thanks.

Mrs. O’Donnell: Do you want some coffee?

Me: No thanks.

Mrs. O’Donnell: What do you drink in the morning?

This conversation took place in a small English town – Elsemere Port circa 1993.  My friend’s mother was doing her best to be a hostess – doesn’t everybody want caffeine? Well, I was just a confusing American who was content with some juice.

Odd me, I am one of those people who does not enjoy caffeine in the morning. However, we all know people who need caffeine in the morning. My wife springs to mind. You don’t want to get in her way before she gets her caffeine buzz. This reasonable decent woman is replaced by a cranky snippy thing who must be tiptoed around. Enough about this alternative personality, I don’t want to think about it.

BR, my older son, is very bright. He is sensitive. He is caring. He is silly. Now, most of the time my boys are friends with the same odd sense of humor.  Yes, of course they get into fights like brothers do – take it from someone who has three older brothers. The mornings, in particular, are difficult as the boys seem to be unable to coexist during this time of the day.  In fact, my wife typically keeps the children in separate rooms so some form of tranquility can exist. While SY can be content to completely zone out watching whatever – really whatever is on television, BR is off the wall.

You may be wondering why BR is so challenging in the morning.  No, my 8 year-old does not have a caffeine addiction. He has ADHD (emphasis on the H in his case) which affects people in different ways and often works in tandem with other issues. In the morning before his medicine kicks in, I imagine his brain as being incapable of handling all the stimuli. Therefore, his morning actions which are often unreasonable are practically out of his control. He hears my wife and I and even his little brother attempting to disciple, calm, and placate him but does not seem capable of acting upon those requests.

Once the medicine kicks in, BR’s positive traits noted above are more readily apparent. He can still be challenging, as boys his age can be, and has his challenges. So, my wife and I strive to recognize his needs and what will work to enable him to utilize his positive traits and fulfill his tremendous potential.  Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as caffeine.

Positively Productive

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School ended a week ago yesterday. Yes, one of the benefits of being a teacher is summers off. While I certainly enjoy having more time and space, I am not the kick back and relax type. In fact, my wife has noted that during the first two weeks of the summer, I use my extra time to look around and feel dissatisfied. You see, one of the lessons I continually learn about myself is I like to feel productive.

So, I made a list of things that I plan on accomplishing in order to have a productive summer. Some of these things are family-related: help BR to feel comfortable riding a bike, help SY improve his reading skills, and go through the kids’ old books. Some are house-related: organize the unmarked CDs (I started last summer).

However, the majority of the list is about me: writing, reading, learning and exercising, etc. It’s a long list and somewhat demanding – requiring time, concentration, and dedication. Isn’t that what goals are for? Well, that’s what I was taught to believe. The only way to grow is to push yourself.

Do you remember the Flintsones’ episode when Fred has an angel on one side and a devil on the other to symbolize his internal conflict? The angel, of course, tries to push him to do the right thing and share the sweepstakes ticket while the devil advises Fred to keep the ticket for himself. I can empathize with Fred. The angel tells me it’s only been a week and I have been productive and besides, I’m entitled to some down time after another challenging school year. It is comforting and exhilarating. The devil tells me nothing is happening this summer, I’ve accomplished zilch, and I have little hope of making things better. It’s depressing and heavy.

So, what’s it going to be – the angel or the devil, the optimist or the pessimist, the doer or the naysayer? It’s time for me to learn the lesson of productivity and positivty again – I want to accomplish.