Stay on My Bald Head

A difficult picture for me in multiple ways.

A difficult picture for me in multiple ways.

I’m folliclely challenged. It doesn’t hurt to say it. Too much.It’s not like being follicely challenged came as a surprise when I hit my 40’s.

Oh no. I didn’t spend the years prior with a thick and full head of hair. I had few options upon my trips to the barber. Shampoo costs were minimal.

Sigh.

When I was a senior in college, my roommates played a prank on me. One night I pulled down the sheets of my bed and saw multiple advertisements for Rogaine stuffed into a paper bag.

Ahh, college.

Anyway, those pricks played this prank for a reason. My hairline was already heading south. Yup, there was no hair swaying when my head bopped to the music.

For further confirmation of where my hair line was headed, I could look at my older brother. My second oldest brother and I bare a resemblance. I can look at him and see where my hair is headed. I love him anyway.

My parents felt bad about this. My mother would lament, “My father died with a full head of hair. I always learned that if your maternal grandfather had hair that his grandsons would have his hair.”

As you can imagine, that did not make me feel better. At all. My parents actually sprung for Rogaine for me. I delicately massaged into my hair every night. I prayed I would be like Karl Malone.

For six months, I put the Rogaine in regularly. Waiting, hoping. At the end of six months with little progress, my excitement waned. I applied the Rogaine on a less regular basis till I eventually just stop. Alas, there was little progress.

As my 20’s progressed, I became interested and eventually an adherent to my religion – Judaism. There are many reasons why the religion appealed to me. The biggest one is belief in G-d and his role in the world.

Yes, I was content with my new found faith. You want to know the best benefit? The yarmulke. You see as part of the religion, men are supposed to keep their heads covered.

So, following my religion meant covering my bald spot. Isn’t life beautiful? There is a G-d, and he is good!

As the years have gone by, my bald spot has turned into a bald head. Yet, I have not upgraded the size of my yarmulke. However, G-d gave again. He really is good.

How so you may be wondering? Well, shaving one’s head became fashionable. I was halfway (okay, maybe 2/3) to a shaved head naturally. I simply had to sit in the barber’s chair and instruct him/her to shave off the sides.

That’s it. My disappointment over baldness would fall away like the remaining hairs that surround the barber’s chair. I would be hip and cool.

For the last year, I have been thinking – really thinking about it. I was going to shave my head. I decided when it got warm, I was going to go for it.

So, back in May, I strolled into the barber shop ready to go for it.

Except I couldn’t do it. I was reluctant to join the club. Not quite an early adopter here.

Instead, I got an extremely short hair cut. Baby steps, I suppose.

I actually like the look. However, I’d still prefer hair. Some things you never get over.

I digress.

A problem has arisen. My yarmulke keeps falling off my head. You see I normally clip the yarmulke to my hair. But now my hair is so short that the clips are not secure.

This is making for a dilemma. My yarmulke is flying off with any dramatic movement. Playing baseball – with my son? Forget about it. The yarmulke falls to the ground more often than a baby does when learning how to walk.

I just wish yarmulkes came with suction cups or velcro. Then, I could move about freely  without worry of my yarmulke flying off my head all frisbee like.

Ahh, what to do? I have neither answer nor clue. I think I need G-d to step in again and answer another prayer.

30 thoughts on “Stay on My Bald Head

  1. First of all, nice job on the selfie. That can not be an easy angle to capture.

    Now for my suggetion…how about sewing some of that no-skid material into your hats and yarmukles? You know, the stuff you lay down under area rugs to keep them in place. Might not protect you from a stiff breeze, though. There’s also some double-sided tape. They make some for human skin. Pageant girls use it to keep their bathing suits from riding up.

    • Thanks – it really wasn’t easy. While doing it, I was questioning my use of time.
      You sure I should put that stuff on my head? It does not sound good.

  2. Larry, They do have velcro strips for yarmulkes, but until you get some, where a hat when playnikg baseball with the boys. Dont shave your head. I dont think I can deal with another shaven head, even if the reason is different.

  3. I’m not even sure how to add to this as my hair is thick and grows so fast that I pay a hairdresser to thin my hair out just so I can style it. Don’t hate me because I have hair 🙂

  4. We have a lot of baldies on my side of the family! I may suggest they look into Judaism so they can hide their bone of contention if they want! See you are a bit of an optimist there looking on the bright side of wearing your yarmulke! I hope you find a way to keep it adhered but yes, everyone’s suggestions do look a bit painful! I would suggest hot glue but that may be worse!

    • Hot glue – ouch!
      Truthfully, I was 1/2 serious at most. I was hoping people would laugh. I have a feeling you did.

  5. Small elastic string under the neck – think birthday party hat! I think it would totally stay on then!

  6. My husband does have hair but still opts to cut it with one of those hair clipper things, if it is longer than about a milimeter he moans that it is too long and he cuts it again. Saves a lot of barber money 🙂

  7. This is officially my favorite post that you’ve ever done! Hilarious!

    I don’t have any solutions for you, but you can’t be the only reduced-hair Jewish man out there. What do the others do? Does it have to be a yarmulke, or can it be a fedora? Or a snappy little number with a brim and some plaid?

    • I am so glad you enjoyed it. In my most humble opinion, I think it was a very well written post. I thought it was a funny post too.
      I occasionally wear hats but not as a religious statement. I am occasionally a baseball cap sort of guy.

  8. sorry to hear this Larry, my father is bald too, he shaves it all because his hair only grows on the sides too 🙂 he doesn’t mind anymore and loves shaving it all! 🙂 I’ve always been scared of being bald but I have really thick and strong hair, so I don’t think it will happen anytime soon and if it does, well, I will wear a wig 😉
    sorry but it’s kind of funny that your yarmulke falls and that you have to clip it and now it doesn’t hold anymore! 😉 I’m not making fun of you, it’s just funny when I read it! 😉

    • It sounds like you have no worries in the hair department. I hope Nate is in the same boat.
      I am glad it made you laugh – that was my goal. I can handle it.

  9. Larry, this reminded me of an encounter I once had with a co-worker. As she saw adjusting the clip that held my yamulke in place, she was stirred to ask “What do religious bald people do? Are they also required to wear a yamulke?” She had made the assumption that intrinsic in this religious practice was keeping a clip on your head as well as the yamulke itself. I smiled and reassured her that bald people could suitably cover their head, whether or not they used a clip.

    By the way, have you seen these: http://www.ajudaica.com/item/5910_75/Velcro-Adhesive-Kippah-Fasteners

    • I had not heard of the adhesive. So, you are taping something to your head. Doesn’t that strike you as odd?
      Anyway, I could get a bigger yammy, but that’s not my style. I wear baseball hats occasionally. For now, I am adjusting. I think your coworker is a wise woman.
      Thanks for checking in.

  10. I did a production of an older Jewish man giving a eulogy for his deceased partner of 45 years (I am in my 60s so no stretch there). I am also bald(ing?). I used the two sided tape that is used yo hold up women’s tops and it worked beautifully. I made sure the tape was in a place with the least hair and yes there was a slight ouch factor but only slight. Hope this helps.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *